“Xu Qing, my girlfriend whom I had sponsored for ten years, went abroad with her first love to watch the aurora without telling me.
It wasn’t until I came across a video posted by her first love that I realized that my girlfriend, who had always claimed to be a poor student, was actually from a wealthy family.
She pretended to be poor because she was afraid that I would be a fortune hunter and cling to her family’s wealth.
I sneered and left without looking back after sending her a breakup text message.
Later, Xu Qing tried to find me through all kinds of connections, begging me to come back.
Unfortunately, she would never find me again — I was dying of terminal cancer.
“Cheng Chen, why haven’t you sent me this month’s living expenses yet? I’m so hungry. My roommates have all gone out to have a big meal,” my phone suddenly vibrated, pulling me out of my daze.
Looking at the message on my phone, I couldn’t hold back my tears.
“Okay, I’ll transfer the money to you in a moment,” I replied with a chuckle in my voice. In the past, whenever Xu Qing asked me for money, I could always hear that chuckle.
I didn’t pay much attention to it before, but now I realized that it might have been a mockery of me.
After all, a poor guy like me had been sticking to a rich girl’s side for ten years like a piece of sticky plaster.
I took out my phone and, as if torturing myself, looked at the video that the system had recommended to me.
Xu Qing and her first love were standing under the aurora, smiling sweetly.
The blue-green light illuminated their faces, making them look as beautiful as if they were in an idol drama.
I watched the video over and over again numbly until my phone ran out of battery and shut down.
The cold wind outside blew through the city’s high-rise buildings, making a howling sound.
I huddled in the corner of the sofa, clutching the gastric cancer diagnosis report that the doctor had just given me, lost in thought.
Before I knew it, I was already thirty years old.
Leaning on the sofa, I recalled my life and suddenly remembered the words of a funny blogger.
“At thirty, it’s an age when others will say it’s too late to make any major decisions, but too early to die.”
I laughed, but tears streamed down my face, and blood foam in my throat splattered out with my cough, landing on the diagnosis report.
I sat there until night fell before I fumbled to charge my phone.
Unexpectedly, as soon as I turned on my phone, I received a call from Xu Qing.
“Cheng Chen, where’s the money? I’m starving to death,” she said.
In the past, whenever she said she was hungry, my heart would ache so much that I would immediately transfer all my money to her, leaving only a few dozen yuan for myself to buy instant noodles.
But now, I just felt tired and didn’t even have the strength to lift my hand.
I looked in the direction of the kitchen and realized that the counter was empty.
“Speak up, Cheng Chen. Are you dead?” she snapped.
“Xu Qing, I’m sick. Will you come home to see me?” In our ten years together, it was the first time I showed weakness to her and told her that I was sick.
In the past, I always reported good news and hid the bad. No matter how seriously ill I was, I chose to bear it alone.
But now, suddenly, I didn’t want to endure it anymore.
“Wait for me. I’ll come back to see you. What would you like to eat? I’ll bring you some food,” she said.
“Do you want noodles?” I asked.
“I want pork knuckle rice with lots of meat,” she replied.
I hated noodles. I had had enough of that taste.
Xu Qing paused for a moment, and that chuckle came through the phone again.
I didn’t care. After hanging up the phone, I wrapped myself in a blanket.
This winter was so cold that I could hardly bear it.
But until I was almost fainting from hunger, the door remained empty and no one opened it.
Instead, I received a picture on my phone.
Xu Qing was standing gently in the kitchen cooking porridge, bowing her head and saying something to her first love, He Ze. Their faces were so close that they looked like a beautiful painting.
I smiled and wiped the water that had accidentally splashed onto my phone.
Then I turned on the gas to boil water and threw the remaining instant noodles into it.
I added dried shrimps, seaweed, soy sauce, black pepper, lard, and even indulged myself by putting in a piece of ham.
But the moment I swallowed it, the sour feeling that erupted from my stomach instantly overwhelmed me.
When I was hugging the toilet and vomiting violently in the bathroom, I suddenly felt that everything was so meaningless.
These ten years had been like a mirage, all in vain.
Xu Qing, I don’t want you anymore.
I fell asleep on the bed after coming back from the bathroom.
Huddled under the wrinkled quilt, I suddenly had a dream.
I dreamed that Xu Qing was gently hugging me and kissing the scar on my forehead.
Then she smiled and told me to change my clothes because she was going to take me to meet her friends later.
Tears slid from the corners of my eyes into my hair. From the moment Xu Qing kissed the scar on my forehead, I knew it was a dream.
But I still hoped that this illusory warmth could last a little longer.
However, I still woke up, only accompanied by the throbbing pain in my heart.
It made me clearly understand how Xu Qing would treat me in reality, even though the scar on my head was left because of her.
It was the fifth year of our relationship. I had pestered her for a long time until she finally agreed to take me to meet her friends.
Before we went out, she set three rules for me.
“Don’t embarrass me.”
“Don’t talk nonsense.”
“Don’t exchange contact information with others.”
I agreed to all of them and finally went out with her.
But as soon as we got outside, she got into an argument with a deliveryman because he accidentally bumped into her and even cursed at his family.
The deliveryman was so angry that he lost his理智 and picked up the beer bottle in his hand to hit her. In a hurry, I rushed over and blocked the blow for her.
When I woke up, my first reaction was to check if she was okay.
But she pushed me aside in disgust, muttering under her breath.
“The scar is so ugly. You were already not good-looking, and now you’re even more unsightly.”
At that moment, I heard my heart crack.
Since then, I changed my hairstyle, from the previous crew cut to the current side-parted style.
I covered the scar and never mentioned taking me to meet her friends again.
The door suddenly clicked, waking me up from my dream.
I forced myself to get up from the bed. It took me a while to recover from the dizziness and see clearly the people standing in front of me.
It was Xu Qing and He Ze.
“Brother Cheng, I’m really sorry about yesterday. Qingqing was so worried when she heard that I was sick that she rushed to my place without thinking. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted on staying to take care of me.
“So today I came with her to apologize to you. Are you okay, Brother Cheng?” He said these words of apology, but there was a hint of provocation in his eyes.
Before, she said that He Ze was her hometown brother. But relying on a man’s intuition, I had quarreled with her about He Ze many times.
Now my intuition was confirmed. He Ze was her first love.
Looking at him calmly today, I realized that He Ze was indeed good-looking, the kind that attracted young girls.
Otherwise, we were both poor guys. Why was she so generous to him? Not only did she reveal her identity as a rich second-generation heir, but she also took him to watch the aurora and took care of him personally.
After all, I wasn’t good-looking enough. But appearance is something that’s determined by nature.
Besides, I’m an orphan. I can’t even find my parents to complain to.
What a mess.
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I played out this whole drama in my mind.
Xu Qing frowned and glared at me.
“He’ll be fine. He’s used to suffering. How can he compare to you?”
“Qingqing, how can you say that about Brother Cheng?”
What a hypocrite! With just a few words, the air in my small shabby rental room seemed to be purified.
Before, Xu Qing had forced me to read “One Hundred and Eight Ways to Identify Green Tea”. Why couldn’t she identify the green tea in front of her now?
But it didn’t matter. Anyway, we would soon be strangers.
“It’s okay. I’m a lowly person. I’m different from you young masters and misses. If there’s nothing else, you can leave,” I said.
Xu Qing was stunned for a moment. It was the first time I had spoken to her like this.
She immediately got angry, frowned, and took a few steps towards me. The sarcastic words were on the tip of her tongue, but she managed to hold them back.
“There’s blood on the sofa. Let me take you out to see a doctor,” she said.
I looked up at her. My heart, which had already stopped beating, suddenly started beating uncontrollably again, as if it was going to burst out of my chest.
It was really hard for her to notice the blood on the sofa.
“I don’t want to move,” I said.
“I’ll get your clothes for you,” she said in a stiff tone and walked to the wardrobe, pulling out my cotton-padded coat.
This coat had been bought three years ago. It wasn’t expensive when I bought it, and the quality wasn’t great. Now the cotton inside had flattened, and it felt like just a thin shell.
Xu Qing frowned and then threw the coat back into the wardrobe.
“Why are you so poor? Don’t you even have a decent piece of clothing?” she said.
“That’s right, Brother Cheng. You’ll be a bit embarrassing if you go out like this,” He Ze chimed in.
“Qingqing, I earn 8,000 yuan a month. I give you 6,000 yuan, pay 1,200 yuan for rent, and I’m left with 800 yuan. I have to pay for utilities, buy food, and cover commuting expenses. Where do you think I can get money to buy clothes?”
Summer was okay because short-sleeved shirts were cheap. But winter was a terrible season. It made people’s poverty impossible to hide.
Xu Qing’s face darkened. “Are you blaming me? Or do you think you shouldn’t give me money?”
“I’ll never blame you, Qingqing,” I said.
But I have to learn to leave you.
As soon as I finished speaking, Xu Qing’s frown disappeared.
She glared at He Ze and then wrapped her scarf around my neck.
She gave orders in a stiff tone, “Let’s go out and buy you some clothes.”
“Okay,” I didn’t refuse and followed her out the door to the nearest shopping mall.
The warm air blew on me, and the light and beautiful down jacket was put on me by the salesperson.
For the first time, I felt that winter could be so warm.
Xu Qing asked the salesperson to ring up the bill. Then she took my old clothes, reached into the pocket, pulled out a folded piece of paper, and with a disgusted look on her face, threw my old clothes into the trash can.
“Trash,” she muttered.
It didn’t matter. She didn’t know that the piece of paper was my gastric cancer diagnosis report.
It was the notice that my life only had a three-month countdown.
We didn’t end up going to the hospital in the end. After coming out of the shopping mall, He Ze started causing trouble, saying that Xu Qing had promised him to go to a school event together.
Xu Qing looked at me and finally chose He Ze.
The heart that had been beating like crazy in my chest finally calmed down again, turning into a regular line, with only the lingering pain hidden inside, unnoticed by others.
“Qingqing, is doctoral life fun?” I asked.
“Why are you asking this? Anyway, you wouldn’t understand,” she said.
As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she pursed her lips in embarrassment and looked up at me nervously.
I touched her hair, just like I had always done in the past.
“Go ahead and be busy. Pay attention to safety on the way.
“Send me a message when you get back to the dormitory. If you don’t want to, it’s okay too,” I said.
“Cheng Chen, I didn’t mean that,” she said.
When her fingers touched my arm, I took a step back, avoiding her touch, and took off the scarf that she had tied on me when we went out and handed it back to her.
“Here’s your thing. Take it back,” I said.
Xu Qing’s eyes were a bit flustered. She looked at me, her lips constantly opening and closing, but only a wisp of useless mist came out, which disappeared without a trace as soon as the wind blew.
“I…” she stammered.
“Qingqing, hurry up,” He Ze urged.
Xu Qing looked at me and finally rushed towards He Ze in a hurry.
I smiled as I watched her walk away, then turned around and pressed my already almost numb stomach, walking into the nearby pharmacy.
“Could you give me some painkillers, please? My stomach hurts a lot,” I said to the girl at the pharmacy.
The girl had a round face. She could tell at a glance that I didn’t look well and helped me sit down on a chair.
After bringing me the medicine, she also brought a cup of hot water and watched me drink it.
Suddenly, heavy snow fell on the whole city, and there was no one left on the street.
The girl huddled beside the heater and dozed off. I slowly finished drinking the hot water and was about to get up.
But she stopped me, “The snow is too heavy. Wait for half an hour until it stops before you leave. Otherwise, the wind will make your stomach hurt again.”
I wasn’t good at, or didn’t know how to handle other people’s kindness.
Hearing her words, I smiled and sat back down at the table.
The girl then sat across from me, looking at me with a red face.
“You’re so handsome. Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
She was a bit disappointed and just said, “Oh.”
“You’re so handsome. I thought you’d have a girlfriend,” she said.
Am I handsome?
“Thank you,” I said.
“But how did you and your girlfriend get together?” she quickly regained her spirits and asked me with bright eyes.
The beginning of my story with Xu Qing had happened so long ago that I thought I had forgotten it. But when it was brought up, I realized that I had never forgotten it.
Because that bit of sweetness at the beginning seemed to be all the good in these ten years.
The first time I met Xu Qing was during the freshman orientation. Everyone else was pushing beautiful suitcases, but she was struggling with a snakeskin bag. There were people nearby laughing and pointing at her.
She couldn’t move it and stood there, crying with anger.
I couldn’t bear to see it, so I helped her carry the luggage, took her to handle the registration documents, and finally, she pestered me until I gave her my contact information.
“How romantic! What happened next?” she asked.
Later, she was isolated by her roommates because of being poor. Many times, I saw her standing at the cafeteria entrance, swallowing saliva when looking at the braised pork.
I’m an orphan and had many times when I didn’t have enough to eat. I knew how painful that feeling of being hungry and craving food was.
So, I walked over, divided my end-of-month reward meal, the braised pork, and gave half to her.
After watching her gobble it up, I also introduced her to a part-time job in the Youth League Committee, which paid 600 yuan a month. It wasn’t much money, but it was enough for her to buy meat.
After that, Xu Qing kept pestering me.
She blinked her bright eyes and circled around me, making me feel like I had raised a pretty little puppy.
She told me over and over again that she liked me.
At first, I thought she was joking. But one day, when I was tutoring as a part-time job, the parent was so unreasonable that they splashed a bucket of water on me in the middle of winter and then kicked me out of the house.
I was shivering with cold. Xu Qing rushed out from somewhere and wrapped a cotton-padded coat around me.
“Cheng Chen, I like you. Believe me. If you’re with me, I’ll never let you down. I’ll never let you be bullied like this again,” she said.
Looking into her eyes at that moment, I suddenly felt my heart warm up.
I had always thought that life was bitter. Now I felt that Xu Qing was the sweetness in my world.
The girl started crying when she heard this. I handed her a tissue and continued telling the story.
Xu Qing was delicate. Many times, she couldn’t hold on to part-time jobs for long. So I let her focus on her studies. Fortunately, I had saved some money before.
With that money and my part-time jobs, I paid for the tuition and living expenses of both of us in college. Later, we were successfully recommended for postgraduate studies.
But tuition was a big expense, and there were also living expenses.
So I decided to work, and Xu Qing continued her studies all the way to a doctoral degree.
“She’s almost graduating with a doctorate now,” I said.
“Then are you two going to get married?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
No, she was tired of this game. She had worn out my true feelings in these ten years, and I was already in tatters, with only three months left to live.
But I didn’t want to tell this onlooker about this sadness. She had given me a cup of hot water and warmth.
Why should I tell her the tragic ending of the story and make her sad for nothing?
It’s enough that I’m the sad one in this world.
The snow had stopped. I straightened my clothes and prepared to go home.
“I…” she started.
“I’ll give you a ride. Coincidentally, my family’s driver has arrived,” she said.
Before I could refuse, the girl had already run out like the wind and started to close the door.
Forget it. Let’s go. With this broken body of mine, I might die on the way before I even reach there.
The girl chattered non-stop all the way. After a while, she finally turned to look at me.
“By the way, my name is Xu Huan,” she said.
“I’m Cheng Chen,” I replied.
“Brother Chen, I need to stop by a banquet hall to pick up a gift from a friend on the way. Is that okay?” she asked, blinking her big eyes. Her two eyeballs were spinning like grapes, looking extremely cute.
“Sure, I’ll go with you,” I said.
“Great!” she cheered and then turned her head, looking at me carefully.
“Brother, although we just met, I feel like you’re especially kind,” she said.
“Really? I also think you’re very kind,” I said.
Xu Huan narrowed her eyes into a slit and dragged me upstairs.
But before we even went in, through the crack of the door I pushed open, I saw a scene that made my blood run cold.
Xu Qing was sitting on He Ze’s lap, hugging his face and kissing him.
I touched the position of my heart. Hadn’t I already let it go?
Why did it still hurt so much?
Tears fell without warning. I clumsily wiped my face.
I tried to make myself stand up. Xu Huan was startled and wanted to help me.
He Ze’s hand had already reached into Xu Qing’s clothes, and they were both panting.
Someone in the private room suddenly started laughing. I pushed Xu Huan aside and walked towards the private room step by step.
Just as I was about to open the door, I heard a familiar voice.
Actually, I should have forgotten it, but tonight, I had just recalled the past with Xu Huan.
“Xu Qing and He Ze are so intimate. Won’t her poor boyfriend be angry?” someone in the private room said.
“Angry about what? You don’t know. Back then, Xu Qing was really good at chasing people. That ‘beauty saves the hero’ trick was played perfectly by her,” another person continued.
The people in the private room started jeering, and that person went on.
“That poor guy didn’t accept Xu Qing at first. So Xu Qing asked me to splash water on him and then kick him out. Then Xu Qing came with clothes to’save’ him.
“Such a clumsy scam, and he actually believed it. Since then, he’s loved Xu Qing as if she were his most precious thing. He gave her whatever she wanted and even gave up the opportunity for postgraduate studies. How stupid!”
When the ringing in my ears started, I suspected that I was already dead.
Otherwise, how could such a cruel and embarrassing thing happen to me?
I gently pushed open the door of the private room. He Ze and Xu Qing’s lips were still pressed together.
The parent who had splashed water on me before had drunk a bit too much. When he saw me, he pointed at me and laughed, “Come to think of it, that fool looks exactly like him.”
Xu Qing immediately stood up and pushed He Ze, who was sitting on the chair, aside.
“You’re mistaken. We were just playing,” she said.
“Playing what?” I asked.
“Why don’t you first explain to me why you’re here? In a restaurant where the per capita consumption starts at 88,000 yuan, why are you sitting here?” I stared at her, watching her gradually lose her usual composure.
“Also, is what she said true?
“Was our beginning just a calculated scheme?”
The parent was still talking, pointing at me and rolling his eyes.
“You’re a poor boy. What right do you have to stay by Xu Qing’s side? She’s a genuine rich second-generation heir. She…”
“Shut up!” Xu Qing suddenly smashed a bottle of wine on the table. The glass shattered, and everyone sobered up.
“Let me explain,” she said.
“Explain what? Explain that you used a scam ten years ago to win my true feelings? Or explain that He Ze is your first love and you took him to watch the aurora? Or explain that you kissed him tonight?”
Xu Qing grabbed my arm, opening and closing her mouth constantly.
But I grabbed her wrist and slowly pried her fingers open one by one.
“Or do you want to explain to me that you, a top rich second-generation heir, pretended to be poor and deceived me for ten years?”
The shock in Xu Qing’s eyes was almost overflowing. She seemed to suddenly lose her ability to speak and could only say one sentence.
“I didn’t mean it.”
“Of course you didn’t mean it, Miss Xu.
“You unintentionally ruined my life, toyed with my feelings, made me give up postgraduate studies, and made me live such a hard life for so many years.
“Of course you’re innocent. After all, in the world of you rich people, feelings related to money are so vulgar.”
I wiped my eyes and swallowed the sobs before continuing.
“So for a poor guy like me who had wild dreams to prove my love for you, I could only cut open my heart and drain my blood for you to see. Now I have nothing left. Is it enough to prove that I love you, Miss Xu?”
Xu Qing didn’t know when she also had tears all over her face. She panicked and grabbed my arm, trying to throw herself at me to hug me.
“No, I was wrong. Cheng Chen, I love you. I’ll never deceive you again,” she said.
“But I’m tired. I don’t want your love anymore,” I said.
I took off the rubber band on my wrist and put it on the windowsill.
“I’m tired, Xu Qing. Let’s break up,” I said.
“No, no,” Xu Qing cried and rushed over to grab my hand, but the rubber band still fell gently.
“We’re breaking up.
“Xu Qing, I really regret it so much. I regret being soft-hearted and helping you when school started,” I said.
This time, my heart didn’t seem to hurt anymore because I was already numb.
I struggled to push Xu Qing away and walked towards the door, but the pain in my stomach was almost unbearable.
Xu Huan finally came to her senses from the shock, crying bitterly and giving Xu Qing a fierce slap.
“Get lost, you scumbag. You deserve to die. No one will ever love you in your life.
“By the way, I forgot to tell you. He Ze has an affair with another woman. I saw it,” she said.
Xu Qing turned a deaf ear and just tried to grab my hand again.
When I pushed her away again, I couldn’t hold back and spat out a mouthful of blood.
My consciousness gradually became模糊, and I couldn’t help but fall to the ground.
Before I closed my eyes, Xu Qing rushed towards me. I could only follow my instinct and grabbed Xu Huan’s hand, begging her.
“Take me away. Don’t let Xu Qing touch me. She’s so dirty,” I said.
“Okay, okay. I promise you,” Xu Huan cried and hugged me into her arms. I finally relaxed and let myself sink completely into the darkness.
When I woke up again, I was already in the hospital.
Xu Huan’s eyes were as red as a rabbit’s. She grabbed my arm and forced a smile.
“Do you want to eat something? There’s a kind of porridge that tastes really good.
“Also, you just have a minor illness this time. Don’t worry,” she said.
“It’s gastric cancer. I know I only have three months left,” I interrupted her. Xu Huan burst into tears.
I don’t know which patient was affected by Xu Huan’s crying. For a while, crying sounds came from all directions.
“I want to go back to the orphanage. I haven’t been back for many years,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll go with you,” she said.
I held Xu Huan back, not wanting to drag her down. We just met by chance. There was no reason to trouble her.
“Cheng Chen, my legs are on my own body. I can go wherever I want,” she said.
I took a taxi back to my rental house. I needed to bring some change of clothes and clean up the place a bit.
I was going to check out. I couldn’t cause trouble for the landlord.
When I got home and opened the door, I saw a figure rushing towards me.
When I turned on the light, I realized it was Xu Qing with red and swollen eyes.
“Where have you been? Xu Huan hid you,” she said.
“What’s wrong with you?” Her tears fell on my hand, but I just felt annoyed.
“Can you stop crying? It’s so noisy,” I said.
She seemed to be pressed the pause button and couldn’t say a word.
I took out my suitcase and silently packed my clothes and cleaned up the place.
When I called the landlord, I realized that the ringtone of my phone was coming from Xu Qing.
I frowned and thought for a moment before realizing the connection.
“No wonder this place is neither close to your school nor my workplace, but you insisted on renting this house. It turns out it’s yours. No wonder,” I said.
“I’m checking out,” I said.
“No, where are you going?” Xu Qing suddenly stood up and grabbed my clothes tightly.
“What’s wrong with you? Why did you vomit blood?
“I apologize for what happened before. It was all my fault. I’ll give you all my money in the future. I’ll introduce you to my friends…” she said.
“Who cares? What are you?” I pinched the suitcase handle, looking at her blocking the door and chattering non-stop. I rubbed my forehead in annoyance.
“Cheng Chen, I didn’t mean it. There were too many people who approached me for money before…” she said.
“Xu Qing, you asked me what was wrong with me. I’ll tell you.
“It’s gastric cancer. I only have three months left to live,” I said.
She couldn’t help but kneel on the ground, looking at me with blank eyes.
I pinched her chin and dragged her to the stove.
“Do you know why I got gastric cancer? The doctor said it was because of long-term irregular diet and lack of nutrition.
“Why do you think I’m like this?
“Because you always asked me for money with all kinds of excuses. I could only eat instant noodles every day. Sometimes, I couldn’t even afford instant noodles. I couldn’t even drink hot water in the middle of winter.
“My colleagues secretly called me a beggar behind my back. They said I was crazy about being poor,” I said.
Xu Qing hugged her head and screamed with tears all over her face. She cried and knelt down to apologize to me.
But I gently pushed aside her hand that was covering her ear.
“Xu Qing, I’ve become like this because of you.
“You killed Cheng Chen with your own hands. What are you pretending for now?” I said.
“No, I was wrong. I have money. I’ll use all my money to treat you. I’ll take you away,” she cried, gasping for breath and grabbing my clothes tightly.
But I pried her hands open and put them in front of her.
“It’s terminal cancer. Even the richest man in the world can’t save me. What’s the use of having money? Xu Qing, look at your hands. They’re covered with my blood,” I said.
Xu Qing couldn’t bear it anymore. She screamed and fainted on the spot.
I took my suitcase and left without looking back.
I’m going home. I’m going back to the orphanage.
When I arrived at the orphanage, Xu Huan had already arrived. She was playing games with the children. When she saw me, she raised her chin triumphantly.
I smiled, feeling my life gradually slipping away. The next second, I fell to the ground.
When I woke up, Xu Huan was beside me again. She was holding a bowl of porridge and crying.
“Fortunately, I came. Otherwise, who could have lifted you up today,” she said.
The dean of the orphanage sighed and didn’t say anything. She just covered me with a quilt as she used to.
I took out a card and handed it to the dean. It was the card that Xu Qing had given me to make amends before she fainted.
Now I’ll give it to the dean.
During the days when I stayed at the orphanage, Xu Huan spent every day either playing with the children or cursing Xu Qing.
Finally, one day, she looked at me, sighed, and opened her mouth.
“Xu Qing has sent He Ze and that parent who splashed water on you to Africa on an overseas assignment. I guess they won’t be able to come back for at least ten years,” she said.
“What does it have to do with them? It’s Xu Qing who should die,” I said.
Xu Huan hesitated for a while before speaking again.
“Xu Qing has mobilized all her connections to look for you. It’s only a matter of time before she finds you here,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter. If she really finds this place, you and the dean can trick her into investing in the orphanage. Anyway, she has money,” I said.
“What about you?” She seemed a bit afraid to look at my expression and kept her head down.
“Actually, I don’t hate her anymore.
“We’re just strangers now,” I said.
There was a burst of noise outside the door, along with suppressed sobbing that came in intermittently.
But it had nothing to do with me anymore.
Xu Huan’s tears still fell, hitting the back of my hand with a burning sensation.
I struggled to raise my hand and wiped away her tears.
“Don’t cry. Your eyes will hurt if you cry for too long,” I said.
The door was suddenly pushed open violently, and Xu Qing’s disheveled figure appeared in front of me.
She rushed over like a madwoman, pulled my hand away, and pushed Xu Huan aside.
“Didn’t you say that you would only wipe away my tears in this life?
“Why are you touching her? Are you in love with her?” she said.
When I saw Xu Qing for the first time, the first thought that popped into my mind was that she had lost weight.
Then came the unquenchable resentment.
It seemed that I had overestimated myself. I had lied to Xu Huan.
“Xu Qing, we’ve broken up.
“Besides, when you were having an affair with He Ze, you lost the right to question me,” I said.
Xu Qing seemed to have her tongue cut off. She covered her chest and slowly crouched down on the ground.
“Cheng Chen, I’m sorry. I’ve come to atone for my sins. Please look at me again, okay?” she said.
“Huanhuan, please take her out.
“With her here, it feels dirty,” I said.
Xu Huan silently pushed Xu Qing out. After that commotion, my stomach started hurting uncontrollably again.
It had been snowing for days, and the Spring Festival was coming soon. Yesterday, the dean asked me what kind of dumplings I wanted to eat for the New Year.
But my health was getting worse day by day. I probably wouldn’t be able to make it to the day of eating dumplings.
Xu Huan held my hand, “Brother Chen, spend the New Year with me. Just consider it a gift for me. I think we’re really fated to meet.”
I wanted to refuse, but looking at her, I finally agreed.
Every day in the late stage of cancer was so painful. For this agreement, I forced myself to hold on with my last breath and used painkillers to get through the long days.
Xu Qing couldn’t get into my room, so she just stood at the door, looking at me through the window. She would stand there all day long. No matter how much Xu Huan cursed at her, she wouldn’t leave.
On the fifth day after coming here, there was a cough outside the window. Xu Qing was sick.
Xu Huan started cursing early in the morning.
“Who are you pretending to be sick for? Cough, cough, it’s so annoying,” she said.
Xu Qing pushed the door open gently again.
After being sick for several days, her face was as pale as a piece of paper.
“Cheng Chen, I’m sick. I feel so uncomfortable,” she said.
“This is uncomfortable? It’s just a little cold. Why are you so delicate?” I said.
These were the words she had once said to me. Now I was just giving them back to her.
That day when I had a fever of 39 degrees, she asked me to accompany her shopping.
Xu Qing should have also remembered this incident. She broke down emotionally and knelt in front of me, apologizing repeatedly.
But it was useless. For someone whose heart had been completely broken, what could be used to win them back?
“Xu Qing, someone like you doesn’t deserve to be pitied or loved.
“Because whoever pities you and loves you will end up dead,” I said.
“No, I’ll be good to you. I’ll give you the best things in the world. Please, let the doctor come and check on you,” she said.
Xu Qing invited the best medical team from abroad, but I didn’t want to add more pain. Living was too tiring. These ten years had almost worn out all my spirit.
“Forget it. What’s the use of doctors? Xu Qing, you’ve cut off all my ways to live one by one,” I said.
Since that day, Xu Qing started harming herself.
She started eating only one meal a day, just simple soy sauce-flavored instant noodles. In the freezing cold, the noodles would clump together. After eating a few bites, she would feel nauseous.
She also hardly slept at night. It seemed that she was suffering from insomnia.
When she couldn’t sleep, she would use a knife to cut her skin little by little, watching the snow outside the window turn red slowly.
The Spring Festival was finally coming. I let out a long sigh as I looked at the scene outside the window.
It’s almost over.
The dean brought in the dumplings. I let Xu Qing come in too.
The dumplings smelled delicious, but I couldn’t eat them. Xu Huan kept smiling, but her eyes turned red as she smiled.
We stayed up until midnight on New Year’s Eve. Suddenly, I felt an inexplicable burst of energy.
I grabbed Xu Qing’s arm, “You’re responsible for burying me. Remember to donate to the orphanage.”
The New Year’s bell had already rung. I felt my body gradually slipping out of control.
“Also, don’t let me meet you again in the next life,” I said.
As the darkness slowly approached, memories of the past flashed through my mind like a revolving lantern.
I remembered Xu Qing’s smile when she jumped out to’save’ me back then.
Actually, even without that ‘beauty saves the hero’ scene, I would have fallen for the warmth of her company.
Crying exploded in my ears, and I couldn’t tell whose voices they were anymore.
I just felt a bit regretful. It seemed that I shouldn’t have come back, causing the dean and Xu Huan to be sad for nothing.
But I was really too tired. These ten years were like a long dream, so bitter that I was almost driven crazy. Before dying, I wanted to be willful once and let the world give me a little more warmth.
Fortunately, my last bit of luck wasn’t too bad.
May I be safe and happy in the next life.
Xu Qing’s Side Story
When Cheng Chen’s hand slipped down, I felt a certain string in my heart break.
Xu Huan was hitting me疯狂地, telling me to let go of Cheng Chen and not to dirty the way he was leaving.
But I hugged him tightly, unwilling to let go even if it meant death.
Because he was finally willing to talk to me. He asked me to bury him.
I had people come to take care of his body. I traced his face inch by inch with my eyes, but I felt like I could never get enough of looking at him.
There was a scar on his temple, left because of me, but I had once said he was ugly.
I crouched down, feeling my heart start to burst with intense pain again.
Everyone says that money can make the devil turn the millstone. I had so much money. Why did Cheng Chen still end up as a corpse lying here in the end?
Why was I such a fool to set such a test for him for no reason and ruin his ten years of life?
I looked at my hands and realized they were covered with blood, Cheng Chen’s blood.
I had killed the person who loved me the most in this world with my own hands.
Cheng Chen was right. Whoever loved me would be killed by me.
Tears couldn’t help but flow down. Xu Huan choked with sobs and told me to get out, saying that she wanted to see Cheng Chen.
I pushed her away fiercely, telling her to stay away from my Cheng Chen.
What right did she have to look at him? That was my Cheng Chen, the only one in this world who loved me and loved me the most.
Blood surged up in my throat. When I spat out blood, I suddenly felt a bit happy.
I actually had something in common with Cheng Chen now. Maybe I would be able to see him soon. Maybe he would forgive me because of this similarity.
I cut my wrist again, touched his face obsessively.
I decided to finish one last thing and then go to find him.
I wanted to donate money to the dean, but the dean refused me.
She said that I and my money were disgusting.
How ridiculous! Isn’t money supposed to be omnipotent? Why didn’t it work this time?
It felt like my internal organs were being pierced through. I lay there on the ground, unable to recover for a long time.
This was my retribution.
The funeral procession was about to set off. They were going to send Cheng Chen to the funeral parlor.
I opened the coffin, wanting to climb in beside Cheng Chen and turn into dust with him, never to be separated again.
But the look on his face when he said “never see you again” appeared in my mind again.
Desperate and resolute.
This was probably the only thing I could do to help him in this life.
I watched him turn into dust and placed him in a sunny place.
Then I chose a cemetery plot behind him, slowly cut my wrist.
The air was getting colder and colder, but there was a smile on my face.
I seemed to go back to the beginning of college. This time, I didn’t cry while standing in the crowd.
I picked up the snakeskin bag and looked for Cheng Chen among the people.
He had a gentle smile on his face, and there was no scar on his temple yet.
When I was running towards him, I kept thinking about what to say to him.
But suddenly, he disappeared, and I could never find him again.
Finally, the darkness came.
This time, no light would ever shine in again.
(The End)
