My wife and I lost our cat.
I searched all night and rummaged through the entire building.
When I got home, I found my wife lying in the arms of her male best friend.
“Only a man like him who can’t have children would cherish a lousy cat like it’s a treasure.”
The male best friend hugged her and said, “Have you ever considered borrowing a child from someone?”
“How?”
“Like this…” His hand almost reached into my wife’s collar.
I should have been furious, but now I was only afraid of scaring the cat in my arms.
Quietly, I closed the half-closed door for them.
“Qiqi, Daddy will find you a new home, okay?”
But after she completely disappeared from my world, I went crazy missing her.
1
The doctor suspected that my wife was a lesbian’s wife.
He asked with a troubled look on his face, “How many years have you been married?”
“Three years.”
“Have you had sexual intercourse?”
My wife thought for a moment and said, “Probably once or twice a month…”
“Are you sure?”
Seeing her hesitation, the man beside her chimed in, “Not that often. Sometimes it’s only once every few months. Is there something wrong?”
The doctor looked at him awkwardly, probably thinking to himself how could anyone say such things about themselves.
The man immediately turned his head and looked at my wife, “I told you it wasn’t working well!”
This man was my wife’s good male best friend, Chen Feng.
My wife and I had been preparing for pregnancy for a year but hadn’t succeeded. Chen Feng suspected that there was something wrong with me.
He took my wife to the obstetrics and gynecology department without even notifying me.
At this moment, they were intimately holding each other’s arms with their hands overlapping. No wonder the doctor mistook them for a couple.
“Sir, considering your situation, I think the problem might be with you. Would you consider having a comprehensive examination?”
The doctor’s look at Chen Feng was almost as if the words “suspected sexual orientation” were written on his forehead.
After all, he was wearing a pink suit and speaking with his fingers in a delicate gesture, making it hard not to suspect.
But my wife didn’t explain either. She just asked, “Doctor, am I completely normal?”
“Yes, but… since the hymen is still intact, it’s really unlikely to get pregnant from a medical perspective.”
The doctor put it tactfully, and my wife’s face immediately darkened.
Chen Feng even comforted her, “Don’t worry. Let’s work harder and try more when we get back!”
Try? How dare he say try!
He knew everything about my private affairs with my wife, and he even wanted to interfere!
Standing at the door, I was burning with anger and couldn’t care less about my dignity. I pushed the door open and walked in.
“Impossible! I’ve penetrated every time!”
“How could it still be intact?”
“Is there something wrong with your examination?”
The doctor looked at me, then at Chen Feng, with a confused look on his face. Finally, his eyes fell on my wife, “Ms. Sun, who is this?”
Sun Jing rolled her eyes at me and said, “Can you stop embarrassing yourself?”
Chen Feng, acting like a peacemaker, came to pull me, “Shen Heng, let’s go home and talk it over if there’s anything. This is a hospital…”
“Go home? Whose home? Your home?” I looked at him sarcastically.
People had already gathered outside the door to watch the commotion.
They were pointing and whispering, “What’s going on?”
“It seems that… this woman was deceived by a gay man. The man has no interest in her, so he found a male mistress outside. And it turns out that the male mistress is also infertile.”
Great, now I became the incompetent male mistress.
These words also enraged Sun Jing.
But she vented all her anger on me, “Shen Heng, are you crazy? If you’re sick, go see a doctor. Don’t make a fool of yourself here!”
“You can’t even break the hymen. You’re a short, incompetent, and useless wimp!”
She said these words to me in front of everyone, and even Chen Feng’s eyes widened in shock.
There was more chatter outside the door.
My dignity was trampled on severely.
This was much more hurtful than them coming to the gynecology department in the name of a couple without telling me.
“I’ve had an examination, and the doctor said I’m completely normal.”
In response to my explanation, she just sneered, “You’re as good at lying as when you tricked me into being with you back then! You’ve wasted so many years of my youth. I’m almost an advanced maternal age woman now! You deserve to have no descendants!”
I completely didn’t recognize the woman who had been with me through thick and thin for five years.
I suddenly realized that she didn’t want to solve the problem.
She simply hated me.
Years of pent-up resentment exploded at this moment.
The camel’s back was finally broken, but I seemed to not care anymore.
I laughed at myself, loosened my clenched fists, pushed aside the crowd blocking the door, and walked out of the hospital.
2
In the evening, I waited at home until eleven o’clock before she came back.
As soon as she got back, she rushed into the bedroom to pack her luggage.
Originally, Qiqi was huddled beside the bed with me.
When she came in and passed by the cat’s bed, she deliberately stepped on the cat’s tail.
“Damn cat! You’re always shedding hair all over the room!”
Qiqi let out a sharp “meow” and ran away.
I was about to chase after it when Sun Jing shouted at me, “Bring me the suitcase!”
She was used to ordering me around like this. Usually, I didn’t mind, but now her bossy tone was especially grating.
“Miss Sun, you have hands and feet. You can get it yourself.” I retorted.
She was stunned for a moment, then looked down at me with contempt, “Huh, useless man. You’re useless in every way, a complete waste!”
No man could bear being talked to like that by his own wife.
But I still held my temper and didn’t lose my temper with her. I just raised my voice a little.
“Sun Jing, Chen Feng is your male best friend, and you listen to everything he says. You went to the hospital behind my back, and I accepted that.”
“But I’m your husband. I said I had no problem in the examination, but you didn’t believe me and insulted me without distinguishing right from wrong.”
“If you really don’t want to be with me anymore, then let’s end it. You can be with whoever you want!”
She didn’t seem to expect me to say that.
In the past, whenever we had an argument, it was always her ranting unilaterally, and I would meekly endure it.
The final result was always that I was kicked out.
Either I slept in the car, in a hotel, or went back to my parents’ home.
To save money or not to bother my parents, I usually tried to make do in the car for a night. Then, when she calmed down the next day, I would take the initiative to apologize, buy flowers and gifts, cook a nice dinner, give her a massage and soak her feet, and do everything to coax her.
But this time, I didn’t want to endure it anymore.
After she said, “Then I’ll ask Chen Feng to come and pick me up right now!” I showed complete indifference.
Then I quietly sat on the sofa, holding the cat, and watched her go hysterical, crying and packing her luggage while cursing.
I was just feeling irritable.
Staring at the second hand on the wall clock, I deeply felt that every second was like a year.
“Do you just want me to leave!” She threw her bag at my head.
It hurt a lot.
I still remembered this bag.
It was after I got my year-end bonus in the first year. She said that all her girlfriends had classic bags.
I said I’d buy one for her.
She said she didn’t like it, thought it was a waste of money, and that everyone had one, so it was too common.
So I gritted my teeth and even used my credit card a bit to buy her a high-end one.
It was unique, and none of her friends had it.
At that time, I thought she was very sensible. She never asked me for anything on her own initiative and always thought about me, so I always wanted to give her the best.
Whatever she wanted, I wanted to give it to her. I didn’t want to make her feel wronged at all.
But just because I couldn’t give her a child, was I not a man anymore?
Was I even unworthy of being a human being?
“Chen Feng, where are you? Come and pick me up! I really can’t stand being with him anymore…”
Her coquettish tone made me feel sick.
I took a deep breath, tried to calm down, and informed her as calmly as possible, “Sun Jing, if you really want to go to a single man’s house in the middle of the night, then I think our marriage should end.”
I knew she wouldn’t listen and even waved her hands at me again, looking fierce.
“Shen Heng, are you crazy? You’re sick both physically and mentally!”
“Can you stop thinking so dirty about us? I’ve told you many times that we’re just pure friends! And Chen Feng doesn’t like women!”
Her nails were sharp and scratched my face, also stabbing my heart.
But I was already numb.
Tick-tock, tick-tock…
It was the sound of blood dripping and also the sound of the second hand moving.
And my originally passionate heartbeat quietly calmed down.
Strangely enough, I was even looking forward to Chen Feng coming quickly.
3
Chen Feng rushed over in a hurry and didn’t even knock on the door.
He directly entered by typing in the password.
As soon as he came in, he slapped the examination report from the day on the table.
“Shen Heng, as a good brother, don’t blame me for not believing you. It’s clearly written in black and white that the hymen is intact. You have nothing to argue about.”
“It’s okay if you’re short, small, or soft. These can all be treated. But you don’t admit it, are too proud to save face, and don’t cooperate with the treatment. You’re just dragging Jingjing along like this. It’s completely irresponsible and utterly selfish!”
I’m selfish?
When I married Sun Jing, I bought a house and a car in full and put her name on them.
My family took care of the wedding banquet, wedding dress, and honeymoon.
After marriage, I handed in my salary and took care of all the housework. I provided enough economic value and emotional value.
She said work was too tiring, so I gave her money to support her in starting a nail salon business. When the store closed down, I didn’t blame her. Instead, I was afraid she’d be in a bad mood and let her stay at home and rest comfortably.
Later, she stayed at home for a year, doing nothing but watching TV shows and shopping, saying it was for preparing for pregnancy.
When I came back from working overtime until ten o’clock, I still had to make her a midnight snack. If I was too busy to order takeout for her once, she would say I didn’t love her anymore.
Even when I was in an important international meeting, I had to reply to her messages within five minutes. Otherwise, she would think I was cheating on her.
I knew she had never suffered since she was a child and was an only daughter from Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and Shanghai area, so she was inevitably a bit spoiled.
I was her husband, and I should spoil and pamper her.
But had she ever considered me?
Perhaps in her eyes, I’m not even as good as a dog!
Chen Feng stood there scolding me for quite a while.
I was too lazy to argue with him. A gentleman doesn’t waste words with a petty person.
Moreover, he was half like a woman.
I looked him up and down.
His semi-long yellow hair had a few strands of red hair dyed, looking like a flamingo.
Under the bangs that covered his eyebrows were a pair of dull, small eyes, and he was wearing light-colored contact lenses, making him look like a husky.
The pink suit, paired with pure white skinny pants, and the pair of women’s furry slippers on his feet made me think of a dyed Pomeranian at my neighbor’s aunt’s house.
He alone could open a zoo.
I couldn’t help but want to laugh.
But suddenly I realized that Qiqi had run out.
4
“Damn it! Who told you not to close the door!”
I pushed Chen Feng away anxiously and ran out.
Cats usually run upstairs.
I lived on the sixth floor and searched floor by floor all the way up to the eighteenth floor.
I went up and down several times but couldn’t find it.
When I reached the top floor for the sixth time, I was so tired that I couldn’t straighten my back.
I supported myself on my knees, and tears mixed with sweat couldn’t help but drip down.
I had raised Qiqi for five years.
The first time I saw it, it was abandoned on the roadside, a little Garfield cat with its fur not fully grown yet. Because it was congenitally missing one ear and had a flat face, it looked a bit ugly.
The kids on the roadside were about to step on it.
“It looks like a stinky mouse. Step on it! Step on it!”
At that moment, I remembered Sun Jing’s wish to have a pet, so I rushed over and saved it.
That day was the Qixi Festival. I tied a beautiful pink bow on the kitten, put it in a beautifully packaged cardboard box, and gave it to Sun Jing as a gift.
“Its name is Qiqi. Do you like it?”
Sun Jing didn’t have a surprised expression. Instead, she looked solemn.
But she still accompanied me to take it to the pet hospital, buy pet supplies together, and gave it a home together.
At that time, we were happy. Every move of the kitten touched our hearts.
The meowing sounds of the little kitten made us laugh heartily.
One day, Sun Jing said to the kitten, “Qiqi, I’m your mommy, and he’s your daddy.”
We thus confirmed our relationship. I excitedly hugged her and asked, “Do you agree to be with me?”
She nodded shyly.
The kitten beside us also raised its tail and rubbed against my heel.
But later, Sun Jing gradually stopped taking care of Qiqi.
All her girlfriends raised beautiful Ragdoll cats. She disliked Qiqi for being born with a defect, for not being good-looking, and for being just a stray cat I picked up, worthless at all.
She also hated Qiqi shedding hair the most. Once, after watching a video about hair removal methods, she shaved all of Qiqi’s hair off when I wasn’t at home.
It was winter. When I got home and saw Qiqi with its pink skin exposed, shivering beside my slippers, I was so angry that I trembled all over.
“It’s just a little kitten! It’s already so good that it never gets on the bed. I vacuum and mop the floor and clean the house every day. Why did you shave all its hair off? It’s winter now!”
Sun Jing sat at the dressing table, not caring at all, and didn’t even turn her head.
“It’s just a lousy cat picked up from the roadside. You treat it like your own child. What will you do when you really have your own child? Will you still keep it?”
I was very angry at that time.
I wanted to ask her where the innocent and caring girl had gone.
But when she said she wanted a child, I completely lost my temper.
I understood her worry that cat hair might affect the child, and I tried to explain it to her with scientific knowledge.
But in the end, the argument ended with my compromise.
Now, I really regretted agreeing to prepare for pregnancy with her.
I just wanted my Qiqi back.
“Qiqi.”
“Qiqi…”
5
“Qiqi?”
After feeling hopeless, a glimmer of hope rose in my heart. I pushed open the rusty and dusty iron door on the top floor.
Weak meows came from behind the door.
I walked quickly.
There was a cardboard box in the corner.
It could be seen that due to being repeatedly washed by rain and exposed to the sun, the pattern on the box had long been blurred, and the box itself was pitch-black and covered with dust.
But from the shape of the box, I recognized at a glance that it was the gift box I used to hold Qiqi.
“Qiqi, are you in there?”
I opened the lid of the box. The kitten was huddled in the corner, with one ear fluttering like a butterfly’s wing, responding to my call.
I excitedly picked it up and held it in my arms.
Tears of getting it back after losing it flowed down my cheeks.
Qiqi licked my tears and gently scratched my face with its front paws.
Even a cat knew to retract its claws so as not to hurt me.
But Sun Jing had left scratches on my face.
“It’s okay, Daddy won’t be sad. Daddy won’t be sad now that Qiqi is found.”
After calming down a bit, I carried the cat downstairs.
The door of the bedroom was slightly ajar.
It seemed that there was a power outage, and the fluorescent light had been replaced by candles.
The candlelight was flickering, and there seemed to be two figures on the bed.
I subconsciously clenched my fists, approached the door, and wanted to push it open.
The whispers inside the door made me stop.
She seemed to be crying, “The cat is more important than me…”
Chen Feng’s voice was much louder, “Only a man like him who can’t have children would cherish a lousy cat like it’s a treasure.”
He hugged her and comforted her, “Jingjing, you’ve been preparing for having a child for so long. Have you ever considered borrowing one from someone else?”
The atmosphere in the room gradually became ambiguous.
I was so angry that I trembled all over.
This was Sun Jing’s good male best friend, who always claimed that he had no interest in women.
At this time, his hand was almost reaching into her loose collar.
She pushed him away and said, “Chen Feng, what are you doing…”
“I deliberately let the cat out. Judging by how he loves the cat like his life, he’ll probably be out looking for it until midnight.”
She seemed to agree with what he said, and their figures were very close, and it seemed that they were about to be intertwined in the next second.
I seemed to see them tearing each other’s clothes.
I thought about holding my breath, suddenly pushing the door open, and shining my mobile phone light on the bed.
Their shameful appearance would be completely exposed.
They would cover their bodies in a panic and squint at me.
“Shen Heng, it’s not what you think!”
Then what was it?
“Don’t tell me that he’s lying on top of you and you’re just playing house?”
“Shen Heng, don’t go too far. Don’t make baseless accusations! Chen Feng… He just comforted me because I felt dizzy!”
Comfort, what a comfort. They were already on the bed.
“Besides, what evidence do you have? Don’t be angry and smear others just because you’re incompetent!”
“And even if we take a step back, even if I went out to find another man, you should be glad that finally someone can fulfill your duties for you!”
“…”
She would probably rant like this. I almost wanted to laugh.
“Then should I thank him?”
Chen Feng would also explain, “Shen Heng, you really misunderstood. You know I don’t like women. Just now, Jingjing didn’t feel well, and I just carried her to the bed to rest.”
I had heard these words too many times.
Every time they walked arm in arm on the street, ate together, or chatted, he would say the same thing.
No matter how angry I was, as soon as they said that Chen Feng didn’t like women, it seemed that I was always the one in the wrong.
During these years of constant entanglement, I no longer had the energy to argue with them.
What could I do?
Could I beat them up?
Thinking of this, I finally snapped back to reality. Qiqi in my arms was looking up at me with its bright eyes.
Actually, I was just standing in the living room and didn’t enter the bedroom.
Those just now were just my fantasies.
I watched as the two of them blew out the candles and took two steps back, but I could still hear the ambiguous sounds in the room and her whispers.
I couldn’t hear clearly what she was saying, but soon, these sounds were covered by the rhythmic sound of the bed board hitting.
I felt a genuine sense of nausea in my heart.
I was so paralyzed that I couldn’t move. I was afraid to see that scene.
The sincere efforts I had made in the past had now turned into great sadness, weighing me down so much that I could hardly breathe.
It was as if as long as I didn’t open this door, the demons inside wouldn’t rush at me.
At that moment, I became a coward.
The fact that she betrayed me couldn’t be changed. Why not end this marriage gracefully?
I was really weak and cowardly. Not being loved made me fearful.
Years of wasted time had taught me to avoid intense emotions.
I thought that I should detach myself from this relationship and be more rational.
I wanted to take back everything that belonged to me completely and make this man and woman pay the price they deserved.
An initial plan began to take shape in my mind.
6
My parents were both staff members at the university. As soon as they graduated from graduate school, they both stayed at the school to teach.
So they were rather simple-minded.
When I got married, Sun Jing’s family asked that the house and car be bought in full and put her name on them after marriage. To show our sincerity, our family agreed.
After marriage, she mortgaged and sold several shops, and some were even mortgaged under my parents’ names and then given to us as a couple.
She said it was for investment, but in fact, she had already prepared a way out for herself.
If I were to have a fierce quarrel with her and get divorced now, even if she was the one at fault, she would definitely take away a large amount of assets, and my parents would end up owing a large sum of money for nothing, which would be like making wedding clothes for her and Chen Feng instead.
My mother had taught wholeheartedly in her early years. Unfortunately, she now had laryngeal cancer and was in need of money.
Moreover, her emotions couldn’t withstand too much turmoil.
I had to plan carefully.
In the ward, my mother was saying goodbye to her fellow patients. Today’s chemotherapy was over, and she could go home to rest briefly.
I came to pick her up and asked her for a favor along the way.
She didn’t originally agree to deceive Sun Jing, but the red scratches on my face finally convinced her.
In the evening, my father cooked a table of delicious dishes and called Sun Jing and me to come home for dinner.
I saw that her face was flushed and she could hardly walk steadily. She must have just come out of Chen Feng’s arms.
Oh, I never expected that he, who had been acting as a gay man for so long, was now interested in both men and women.
“Dad, Mom! Why did you suddenly think of calling us back today?”
Sun Jing carried the tonics and enthusiastically took my arm as soon as she came in.
The moment she touched me, she sensed my dodge, and her arm hesitated for a moment.
But soon she continued acting.
My parents were basically her source of livelihood. Every time she came, she had to take something away, so of course she was very sweet-talking.
“Shen Heng and I were just planning to come back to see you. We’re really on the same wavelength!”
She still had that man’s stench on her. I almost felt sick to my stomach.
I still pretended not to notice my disgust and continued to watch her clumsy acting.
Her eyes were full of tears, but they never fell.
At the dinner table, as I had instructed, my mother mentioned that she wanted to participate in the latest overseas cancer treatment program and needed a large sum of money.
This money could be reimbursed later.
But the two old people couldn’t afford that much money now.
“Mom, can I ask you to borrow some money?”
I looked at Sun Jing, “Why don’t we sell the house? Coincidentally, I’ve taken a fancy to a school district house. The money from selling the house can be used to pay the down payment and also for Mom’s medical treatment. When the reimbursement comes in, we can pay off part of the loan in advance…”
I spoke earnestly, and Sun Jing didn’t notice anything unusual.
Although my mother didn’t understand, she still cooperated with me in acting, “Then Mom will use her pension to pay off the loan for you every month.”
Hearing this, Sun Jing’s eyes lit up.
She had wanted to change to a bigger house for a long time.
And now, Chen Feng’s sperm was probably already on its way in her belly. Getting pregnant was just a matter of time.
“Mom, if you don’t get treated, you’ll…”
“Maybe I won’t be able to hold on for long.” My mother lowered her head. She really wasn’t good at lying.
I quickly took over the conversation, “Mom, you just retired. How could you get this disease…”
The word “retired” stung Sun Jing.
She cared the most about my parents’ pensions.
Almost every month before, she would come to take away a large sum of red envelopes. If my mother passed away, my father still had several years before retirement, and she wouldn’t be able to get pocket money for a long time.
“Then Shen Heng and I will discuss it tonight. Mom, don’t worry. Keeping a good mood is the most important thing.”
She put on a sweet smile and put a piece of meat in my mother’s bowl.
When she stretched out her hand, I clearly saw the marks of being tied on her wrist.
Before, when we had sex, she was always wooden and just endured it. She didn’t move at all by herself, showing disgust and impatience, and instead said that I was not romantic.
So was this the kind of emotion she wanted, being tied up?
Oh, then I really couldn’t give it to her.
My mother didn’t eat that piece of meat, and I couldn’t eat this meal anymore either.
Sun Jing didn’t even know until now that my mother couldn’t eat meat.
7
From the unlocking records on the front door, I found that Chen Feng was coming more and more frequently.
And he was leaving later and later.
So I simply waited for him in the car, giving them enough space.
The car was parked in front of the building. Sitting in the car and looking up, I could even see Qiqi looking at me on the balcony.
Its mouth was opening and closing, obviously meowing at me.
Sometimes when I stared at it for a long time, it would get excited, raise its front paws, stand on its hind legs, and desperately scratch at the window glass with its paws.
The movement was very fast, and it could be seen that it was very anxious.
The whole cat looked panicked.
I guessed that it saw that I didn’t go home, so it was calling me.
Although I was very anxious in my heart, I still patiently waited for Chen Feng to leave.
I really didn’t want to see that disgusting scene.
That night, sitting in the car, I gestured from a distance to comfort Qiqi.
Sun Jing called me twice.
I guessed that she wanted to see when I would go home so that Chen Feng could avoid me.
I didn’t answer. She knew that I only wouldn’t answer when I was busy with work.
So that night, Chen Feng left particularly late.
When I got back, it was already nine o’clock.
The room was very dark.
As soon as I entered, Qiqi rushed over and hissed at me continuously.
It was probably hungry.
I went to add food to its bowl, but found that the bowl was full.
“Qiqi, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”
“Is the food bad?”
I picked up the cat bowl and smelled it. Full of doubts, I poured the food inside into the trash can.
Halfway through pouring, my hand froze.
Under a tissue in the trash can, half of a pregnancy test stick was exposed.
It showed two lines.
My wife was pregnant.
The child she had always wanted was finally on the way.
But it wasn’t mine.
I slumped to the ground and pounded the floor in self-mockery.
I had been avoiding the fact that she was cheating on me to avoid being affected by her emotions.
I thought that I had already been able to stay calm and wouldn’t have any emotional fluctuations towards her anymore.
But unexpectedly, this sudden shock still made me completely defeated.
Ironically, under the pregnancy test stick, there were also crumpled and then unfolded paper balls.
It was the examination report she used to prove that she was still a virgin that day.
Oh, putting these two things together was really ironic.
I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there slumped.
Qiqi had also been meowing beside me for a long time.
I reached out and hugged it. I knew it could feel my pain.
However, it had been meowing so loudly and continuously. In the past, Sun Jing would have come out to scold it long ago, but today there was no movement at all.
I pushed the door open and entered the room.
The room was pitch-dark.
The temperature in the living room had dropped, but the temperature in the bedroom was obviously several degrees higher, and a moist, ambiguous, and sticky smell came towards me.
I had always had a good sense of smell since I was a child, and I could keenly smell the smell of sweat mixed with a little blood.
“Sun Jing?”
She was lying on the bed, completely covered by the quilt. Hearing me call her, she turned over under the quilt.
She didn’t respond.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked again. I didn’t really care about her. I just wanted her to get up and have dinner so that I could talk to her about selling the house. This home that I used to think was the warmest now was just a place that I couldn’t wait to escape from.
She mumbled something that I couldn’t hear clearly.
I only heard a thick nasal voice and a sense of sleepiness. It seemed that she had caught a cold.
No wonder the air conditioner was on in the room.
Hehe, probably she was tired from being in bed…
“Then I’ll make you something to eat and put it on the table. You can eat it when you get up.”
After saying that, I quickly escaped and closed the door.
That bed, that room, I really didn’t want to get close to them at all.
8
I put the promotional flyer of the school district house under the steak I fried for her.
It was a 200-square-meter large flat with a unit price of 50,000 yuan.
She used to always complain that our house was just two bedrooms and one living room. One of the rooms was my study, and now it was used by the cat. There would be no place for children in the future.
She said that her girlfriends’ families all lived in large flats.
This property should meet her expectations.
The next morning, when I went out of the study, the promotional flyer was gone.
During the day, I borrowed some money from a few friends and tried hard to play the role of a good father who wanted to change houses.
At night, I practiced the lines for tonight at the door repeatedly.
I was ready to bring up the matter that the down payment was not enough.
Hearing the sound, Sun Jing couldn’t wait to open the door.
Inside the room, the light was very dim.
On the table, there was a candlestick arranged in the shape of a heart.
The floor was even covered with bright red rose petals.
The air was filled with a strong fragrance of perfume.
Today Chen Feng didn’t come. I knew that Sun Jing had specially arranged all these to give her child a “registered permanent residence”.
I patiently walked to the table.
On the dining table, there were steaks, spaghetti, foie gras and some other common Western food that she had prepared.
She had carefully prepared dinner for me, but all the dishes were her favorites.
On the table, there were silk napkins placed, and the sauce with an attractive fragrance was prepared. Behind her was a messy kitchen.
Once upon a time, I also hoped that I could come home from work every day and eat the dinner prepared by my wife.
Even if she was clumsy and the taste was just so-so, I would still be happy to enjoy it, and I would also accompany her to clean up the dishes.
I had loved her. What I wanted was nothing more than three meals a day throughout the four seasons, and the admiration in her eyes when she looked at me, not the shrewd calculation like this moment.
She pulled out the chair for me and coquettishly asked me to sit down.
Then she took out the treasured red wine from the wine cabinet and filled a glass for me in front of me.
She raised her glass and asked me, “Shen Heng, do you remember what day it is today?”
I took a sip of the wine and squinted at her.
I did remember, but now I just wanted to spoil her mood.
“It’s the 2,000th day since we were together.” She said with a happy face.
I was quite surprised that she wasn’t angry when I didn’t answer.
She even happily took out a gift box from under the table, “This is a gift for you…”
I suddenly stood up and walked towards the bathroom.
She was obviously stunned behind me, “Then… wait until you come out to have a look.”
I spat the wine in my mouth into the sink.
I said before that I had a good sense of smell. In fact, my sense of taste was also very sensitive.
I knew that there was something added to the wine. She did all this to make it natural for us to be in bed together.
After all, since she and Chen Feng went to the hospital that time, we hadn’t had sex again.
There was no reason for her to be pregnant.
Behind me, the bathtub was filled with an intoxicating fragrance.
On the shelf above the bathtub, two thick cotton ropes were hanging down.
You could say that they were used for scrubbing the body.
But I clearly knew what they were really used for.
I couldn’t help thinking about how she and Chen Feng were playing in the water here like a couple of lovebirds…
I felt sick.
The dose of the drug she put in was quite large.
I just accidentally swallowed a little bit just now, and now my cheeks were already burning hot.
I quickly patted my cheeks with cold water to sober myself up.
After closing the door, I walked out casually.
I wanted to see what she would do if I didn’t fall for it.
9
When I walked out,
the candlelight became even dimmer.
Sun Jing was leaning against the door frame of the bedroom, wearing a silk lace suspender dress.
It could be seen that there was nothing underneath.
But I could also see that her fluffy long hair, which was lazily draped over her shoulders, was actually used to cover the bruises on her body.
With the dim light in the room,
Whether it was the effect of the drug, or the overly ambiguous atmosphere, or her really charming figure,
the love in my heart that had long been burned out actually seemed to have a glimmer of rekindling at this moment.
In the past few years, I always hoped that she would dress up for me and show some passion and tenderness in the bedroom.
Every time before, she just lay stiffly on the bed, not cooperating at all.
Sometimes she even played with her mobile phone, not giving me a single glance, and kept urging me to hurry up.
She said that I hurt her.
She said that I was not romantic, that I only knew how to buy flowers and gifts, only knew how to say I loved her, but didn’t know how to write poems or love letters, and didn’t know how to provide emotional value.
I didn’t understand.
What exactly did she want me to do?
I was gentle, and she said I was weak.
I was tough, and she said I didn’t respect her.
In her repeated complaints and dislikes,
indeed, as she said, I couldn’t last long.
Was it my problem?
Which man who truly loved his wife could bear the white eyes from his partner in bed?
Who wouldn’t have their passion extinguished?
Was I just a beast that only wanted to vent its desires?
What I wanted was the unity of body and mind, and wholeheartedness. Was it so difficult?
Perhaps… from the very beginning, she didn’t love me. I was just the one with the best conditions among the people she could choose.
She just wanted to be a little princess at home, an empress dowager, having someone to serve her, take care of her, and be her meal ticket.
She never regarded me as an individual. I was just her lackey.
The dignity of a lackey, of course, she didn’t need to care about.
The heart of a dog, she wouldn’t bother to understand more.
Now, as she twisted her body in front of me, all I could think of was to get divorced as soon as possible.
“Sun Jing, do you still love me?”
I knew that as a man, asking this question was really a bit sentimental.
But I was unwilling. After all, I had loved her so passionately before. How could this relationship end so vaguely…
She was stunned, and the smile froze at the corner of her mouth.
“Husband, why do you suddenly ask this?”
“I know we’ve been in a cold war these days. It was my fault that I didn’t tell you when I went to the hospital. I was worried that you were busy with work and didn’t have time. At that time, they misunderstood, and I was too lazy to explain…”
“I really think I was wrong. I’m very regretful.”
“I apologize to you. I’m sorry…”
She was crying so hard that she looked really sad.
For a moment, I was even a bit flustered and almost wanted to forgive her.
The three words “I’m sorry” were too heavy. She had never said them to me after marriage.
While I had said them too many times myself.
Regretting the efforts I had made in the past and feeling不甘 also made my eyes gradually moist.
With the atmosphere like this, she threw herself into my arms.
She kept saying sorry to me.
“Husband, let’s start over, okay? I’ll…”
Her words made me sober up.
I didn’t mention it. Did she know that I wanted a divorce?
“In the past, it was my fault that I wasn’t gentle enough to you, that I was lazy and didn’t believe you, and that I made you lose face in front of others…”
“Actually, you’re really good in that aspect. I always enjoy it every time…”
As she said that, she was already completely leaning on me.
Through the thin clothes, our hot skins were pressed tightly together.
Her cold fingertips gently slid down from my neck.
She probably forgot that these hands had just left unhealable scratches on my face not long ago.
I grabbed her fingers that were circling on my chest.
“Sun Jing, it’s late. I’m tired.”
“Shen Heng…”
10
Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at the wine glass, “Well, let’s eat something first.”
Hehe, she still wanted to drug me and make me dizzy.
I sat down and quietly cut the steak without looking up.
She was chattering on the opposite side.
“Shen Heng, do you still remember when we were on our honeymoon, I picked up a conch for you on the beach? I bought the same one today, two of them, a pair.”
I stopped what I was doing and looked at the gift box she took out from under the table, and then at her.
She smiled and took out the conch shell from the gift box, whispered something close to her mouth, and then looked at me.
“Husband, at that time you said that if you told your love to the conch, it could be preserved forever.”
“For two people in love, if they put it to their ears and can hear the wind, the lover will come into their dreams at night…”
I looked confused.
But actually, I remembered all of it.
I even remembered that when I said these words, she was lying on the beach, wearing sunglasses, and impatiently said that I was childish.
I didn’t even know where the conch I picked up was now.
What I said before didn’t count anymore.
She handed the one in her hand to me, “Husband, listen to it.”
I looked at her sincere eyes, as if I saw the moment when I fell in love with her, that moment of amazement.
But love could be faked, right?
I lowered my head and continued to move the knife in my hand.
“Just put it there.”
She replied with an “um”, obviously feeling disappointed.
She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but the voice was too low and I didn’t hear it.
I’m actually not a careless man. I just didn’t care about her emotions anymore.
Did she notice it?
No, she didn’t care at all.
Because soon she said her real purpose.
“I’ve chosen the school district house. Let’s move there.”
I nodded. That was exactly what I wanted.
11
She got herself drunk.
Crying until her face was covered with tears, she kept saying sorry to me.
I carried her back to the bedroom.
She held onto my collar tightly and wouldn’t let go, “Husband, don’t go. Stay with me, okay?”
The tears in her eyes were shining with a faint light. In her eyes, I seemed to really see remorse and apology.
But women are the best at acting, especially Sun Jing.
I gritted my teeth and reminded myself that she just wanted to give her child a legitimate identity.
She didn’t care about me.
She didn’t love me.
All of this was fake.
I put her on the bed. To keep an eye on the situation, I gently lay down beside her.
One of her legs habitually rested on mine, and her toes rubbed against the inside of my calf.
She was lying on her side, and her chest was tightly pressed against my arm.
The familiar touch, but not the familiar smell.
There was the smell of that man on her.
How many times had it been on this bed?
I felt like vomiting.
But she vomited first.
While I was cleaning up, she kept talking drunkenly, “Husband, I really love you. You’re the only one who’s been nice to me in this world.”
“I’m really regretful. I really want to start over with you.”
“Let’s move, okay? I’ll be a good wife from now on…”
“I’ll understand your work, take care of you, love you, and cook delicious meals for you at home every day…”
“I’ll also take good care of Qiqi. Did you notice that today I cleaned the cat bowl and the cat’s nest, and also cleaned the house thoroughly? There’s not a single cat hair on the floor.”
She said a lot, and I just perfunctorily responded.
I admit that if it were in the past, I would definitely be moved by some of these words.
But now I wasn’t affected at all.
I just didn’t understand why she still said, “Husband, I won’t be in a hurry to have a child anymore. If you can’t have a child, we’ll never have one…”
To be honest, she really knew my psychology well. These words really angered me.
Was it a provocation tactic?
“Who said I can’t?”
“That bullshit doctor, that bullshit examination. Don’t you still believe it until now?”
“No… Husband, I don’t believe it. I only believe you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…” She kept crying and apologizing under me until she fell asleep deeply.
That night, I sat by the window and smoked a cigarette.
Sun Jing didn’t like the smell of cigarettes. When I was with her before, I quit smoking.
The smoke was swirling around. In a daze, the memories of these years flashed through my mind like a revolving lantern.
One cigarette after another until dawn, and I put out the last cigarette.
The faint red light went out.
I thought that some things, once extinguished, probably would never burn again.
12
We sold the house.
We sold it in a hurry, so the price was much lower than the market price.
Sun Jing even went out of her way to ask her parents and friends to borrow hundreds of thousands of yuan.
She even sold the car I bought for her, her luxury goods and jewelry, and took out her hidden private savings.
A large stack of cash and a bank card.
I didn’t expect that she would do so much for buying a house. But it was just what I wanted. I just wanted to take back as much money as possible that I had spent on her.
After all, other things couldn’t be quantified.
When she handed the money to me, she said, “Husband, you will be happy.”
Happiness? Don’t lie to me anymore.
I wanted to laugh.
I took the money but didn’t buy a house, of course.
I took the surveillance video at the door of my house and her underwear with Chen Feng’s bodily fluids on it and found a lawyer to file for divorce.
The lawyer told me that if the woman was pregnant, even if I had solid evidence of her cheating, it would be very difficult to get divorced.
“Then what if it can be proved that the child isn’t mine?”
The lawyer said that it would take some time from a medical perspective and also needed the woman’s cooperation.
I was worried.
But I didn’t care about waiting for a while longer.
However, I didn’t expect that when I went back that night, Sun Jing was gone.
She took away all her things. The house was spotless. Qiqi was lying on the place where she used to sleep. When it saw me come back, it immediately jumped into my arms and meowed.
I didn’t understand.
Did she run away with Chen Feng?
Wasn’t the money still with me?
On the dressing table, it was empty, except for a divorce agreement.
She had already signed it.
Beside it was a letter.
There was a long essay written on it.
“Husband, I’m leaving. Thank you for loving me. Over the years, it’s always been you who tolerated me, took care of me, and gave me a home.”
“…”
“But I don’t love you anymore, so let’s get divorced.”
“Don’t look for me. I won’t see you.”
“I’ve returned everything I owed you. I don’t want Qiqi either. It’s too troublesome.”
“By the way, I wish you happiness!”
It turned out that she had seen all those things that I usually did for her out of habit.
My nose felt a bit sour, and an inexplicable emotion was spreading in my heart.
“Qiqi, is it really over?”
I stared blankly at the cat. The window in the room was open. Besides the warmth after being exposed to the sun, there was no other extra smell.
There was no stench, no trace of blood.
She had changed the sheets, pillows and bedding. In front of the dressing table, there wasn’t even the smell of her perfume.
It was very quiet.
The house was empty, and so was my heart.
That day, I was in a daze, emptying myself, trying to find a trace of her in the room.
There was nothing. Nothing at all.
I didn’t understand. Wasn’t this what I wanted?
But why did my heart hurt so much?
So, even for a relationship that had already rotted long ago, when it was cut off, it was still like cutting off flesh and blood?
I cried, and the tears just couldn’t stop flowing.
Qiqi stayed with me all the time. I covered my face and sat on the edge of the bed, and it played beside the bed.
It seemed to keep reaching its paw under the bed.
I lifted the bed, and it immediately jumped in and played with a small object like kicking a football.
It was the conch. The conch that I gave to Sun Jing.
Did she put it beside the bed?
Did she want to see me in her dreams? Was it because there was still a place for me in her heart?
I felt ashamed of my such humble thought.
She had clearly written in the letter that she didn’t love me.
I laughed at myself.
I picked up the cat and signed my name on the divorce agreement.
“Qiqi, Daddy will take you to a new home.”
13 Side story：Sun Jing perspective
I was raped.
On the night when the cat ran away, I was raped by that bastard Chen Feng!
My mouth was taped shut by him, and I couldn’t make a sound.
I struggled desperately, but he tied me to the bed with thin ropes.
“Sun Jing, I’ve liked you for so long. I pretended to be gay and wore these disgusting clothes every day just to get close to you. Over the years, I’ve spent much more time with you than that guy Shen Heng!”
“I’ve already proved that he’s incompetent. Why do you still love him? Why don’t you leave him!”
“Do you know that in his heart, you’re not even as important as a cat!”
“Do you believe that for the sake of finding the cat, he won’t come back to save you?”
“…”
At that moment, I was on the verge of collapse.
I prayed to God for Shen Heng to come back quickly.
Qiqi, don’t run too far. Let your daddy find you quickly and come back to save me.
Finally, I heard some noise outside the bedroom door. I struggled desperately, hitting my head against the bed board, making a “bang bang” sound.
I knew Shen Heng was outside. Qiqi even meowed.
Come in quickly, Shen Heng!
Husband! Save me! Save me!
The more fiercely I struggled, the more excited Chen Feng on top of me became, and he became even more crazed in his demands.
That whole night, I felt like I was in hell.
I didn’t understand. Why didn’t Shen Heng come in? Did he know what was happening?
Why didn’t he save me?
But I didn’t dare to ask him.
I was afraid that if it was just because we had quarreled and he didn’t want to pay attention to me…
If he knew the truth, would he despise me?
He would be very sad, right? I had already made him so sad…
I regretted so much that I had let this devil stay by my side.
I regretted believing Chen Feng’s words and impulsively making Shen Heng lose face.
Actually, what if there was no child? What if I became an advanced maternal age woman?
When had Shen Heng ever forced me?
All my anxiety was instilled by Chen Feng. At first, he pretended to be my good male best friend and lurked beside me, always speaking ill of Shen Heng.
I had been protected too well since I was a child, and I was easily influenced. Over time, I actually believed his nonsense.
Chen Feng said that when Shen Heng first started dating me, he was flirting with five other girls at the same time. That’s why he forgot that on the Qixi Festival that year, he promised to buy me a princess dress and accompany me to Disneyland, but instead just picked up a cat from the roadside and gave it to me.
I didn’t dislike cats, but it seemed that Shen Heng valued the cat more than me.
He was always impatient with my nagging, but his eyes were so gentle when he looked at Qiqi.
The cat kept meowing, but he never said anything.
Sometimes I talked too much, and he was impatient. He even put on his headphones to listen to music in front of me, as if giving me the cold shoulder.
Shen Heng had a high fever when he was a child, and his hearing wasn’t so good, so doctors didn’t recommend him to use headphones.
But just to avoid listening to me, he didn’t care at all.
I knew he was busy with work and also disliked that I didn’t work at home and couldn’t share the family burden with him.
So under Chen Feng’s instigation, I opened a nail salon.
I had no experience except for the skills. Besides the aspects related to nail art, I left everything else to Chen Feng to take care of.
My skills were good, but the business was losing money.
When I asked Shen Heng what to do that day, he ignored me.
I raised my voice a little and got angry in my tone, and he shouted at me, “It’s just a lousy store! I suggest you close it as soon as possible!”
Fine.
It was my fault. I shouldn’t have lost all the money he invested.
I’ll pay him back.
I asked my parents for pocket money every month, and I also asked my in-laws for some.
Some I saved up, and some I just left the cash at home.
When I saved up a large stack, I would definitely slap it in front of him.
Let him feel guilty.
…
I got pregnant.
When I found out that the examination report Chen Feng faked, I also found out that I was pregnant.
That night, I planned to die with him.
I threatened him that I would call the police.
But he shut me up with just one sentence.
“Now Shen Heng still doesn’t know about our affairs. Do you want him to know?”
“What will he think? He’s always thought that there was something between us.”
“Do you think he’ll believe you if you say I forced you?”
“Huh?”
Yes, Shen Heng wouldn’t believe me.
I didn’t want him to know either.
“Chen Feng, please let me go. And don’t tell Shen Heng, okay? Do you want money? I can give you as much as you want.”
I knelt down, crying bitterly, and begged him.
He just smiled and said, “Okay, satisfy me one last time, and I won’t tell Shen Heng.”
That night, he tied me up, made me kneel on the ground naked, and whipped me with a belt, abusing me.
Qiqi kept meowing beside me, constantly scratching at the window glass.
Even the cat wanted to save me. Shen Heng, where were you?
I shouted his name desperately. Chen Feng stopped what he was doing on the bed.
He picked up my phone and called Shen Heng.
“You want to call him? Then I’ll call him back now and let him see how charming you are.”
“Ah? Okay?”
“No! Please don’t… Please!”
I was really afraid that Shen Heng would know that I was no longer pure. He was such a clean freak. He probably couldn’t bear it…
While Chen Feng was making the second call, I grabbed the conch on the bedside.
And smashed it hard on his head.
He bled, but didn’t faint. Instead, it seemed to arouse more anger in him, and he vented all of it on me.
I didn’t have the strength to resist anymore.
Crying until I almost fainted, Shen Heng came back.
I wanted to tell him everything, but I was afraid that he would see my body under the quilt, which was in a terrible state.
I told him in an extremely low voice,
“Husband, I’m sorry…”
“Husband, I love you…”
He probably didn’t hear it.
I knew he couldn’t hear it.
I wanted to say goodbye to him properly and leave him a good memory for the night.
I forgot that there was something added to the red wine that night.
I drank a lot. I didn’t know if it was because I was drunk or under the influence of the drug, but I seemed to have said a lot of things in a daze.
I even wanted to tell him everything and ask him if he could accept me and if he would forgive me?
I fell asleep in a daze and woke up in a daze again.
I saw Shen Heng sitting by the window smoking. There were many cigarette butts.
But he had quit smoking for five years.
At first, he quit smoking to pursue me. That was when he loved me the most.
So now… did he no longer love me?
Otherwise, why did his expression and body language only show disgust in such an ambiguous atmosphere?
If he knew what Chen Feng had done to me, would he despise me even more?
I didn’t dare to think about it.
…
These days, I had been breaking down again and again.
I forced myself to hold on in front of his parents and tried not to let my tears fall.
I knew that my mother-in-law needed money for treatment. I didn’t necessarily have to buy a big house. It was time for me to leave.
Before leaving, I wanted to leave everything to him and hope that he would be happy.
I hope that I won’t meet him again in the next life.
…
On the day I left, Qiqi blocked the door, meowing at me.
This little “green tea” cat had never been close to me.
It liked to stick to Shen Heng, always rubbing against his trouser legs, and would jump onto his legs when he was working.
He would always close his legs together and comfort it with a smile on his lips.
I couldn’t disturb him when he was working.
I admit that it’s a bit embarrassing to be jealous of a cat.
But that night, it scratched at the window desperately. When I couldn’t make a sound, it called for help for me with all its might.
It even rushed up to scratch Chen Feng.
It was thrown heavily to the door, but it still wouldn’t give up and came to save me until it was locked outside the door, still meowing desperately.
I forgave it for stealing my husband.
“Qiqi, goodbye. You should be good. Stay with Daddy well.”
“If you have a new mommy, don’t compete for favor anymore. You should be a good baby and make Daddy happy and blessed.”
When I was about to leave, Qiqi followed me out again and again.
I picked it up and took it home time and time again. It rubbed against my feet, turned over, and asked me to touch its belly.
“Meow, meow…”
It meowed so pitifully that I almost couldn’t bear to leave.
But I had already booked a flight to Switzerland.
If I didn’t leave, it would be too late.
Goodbye, Qiqi.
Goodbye forever, Shen Heng.
14 Side story：Shen Heng perspective
Sun Jing’s lawyer handled all the divorce matters for us.
I didn’t see her from start to finish.
I went to find Chen Feng, but he was also gone.
Did they elope?
I didn’t care about these things anymore. I took the money Sun Jing left and gave it to my mother for medical treatment.
“Shen Heng, this money seems to be the money I gave to Sun Jing. The serial numbers are consecutive. I remember these numbers.”
“Really?”
Later, I verified them one by one.
Over the years, the money my parents gave to Sun Jing, she hadn’t spent a single cent.
When she left, she actually didn’t owe me anything.
I suddenly had a bad feeling in my heart. I went to find her parents.
A piece of news hit me like a bolt from the blue and completely shattered me.
She had gone to Switzerland alone and ended her own life!
Why?
I really couldn’t understand why she would do this!
Until later, my lawyer friend helped me find out.
Chen Feng was arrested and put in prison, charged with forcing a woman to have sexual relations.
At that moment, I went completely crazy.
It turned out!
The cold and indifferent person was me!
The person who didn’t save her when she was in danger was me!
The cowardly one in love was me!
I really wanted to kill myself!
I locked myself in our house for seven days and seven nights.
Every day, I forced myself to gather some strength just to add food and water for Qiqi.
When the new owner of the house came to knock on the door, I was lying in the middle of the empty living room.
Qiqi was scratching at the window glass on the balcony, just like that night when I ignored it.
I sat up in shock!
“Xiaojing! Are you back? Xiaojing!”
I rushed to the window, and accidentally dropped the conch in my hand.
It hit the corner of the table, and my forehead started bleeding.
I didn’t care about it and just picked up the conch from the ground as if it were a treasure.
Then I noticed that there were old blood stains inside the conch.
Tears, mixed with my blood, blurred my eyes.
I put the conch to my ear and murmured, “Xiaojing, say something. Say something to me.”
“What did you want to tell me that night?”
My consciousness gradually became blurred.
I seemed to hear her whispering in my ear.
“Shen Heng, Shen Heng…”
“I’m sorry, I won’t forgive.”
(The End)
