In the first year after my divorce, I announced my withdrawal from the entertainment industry.
Everyone said I had gone crazy after being abandoned by Lu Xiao.
Until one day, a wish – fulfilling blogger’s video hit the top of the hot search.
My video was divided into seven episodes.
They were the fragments of the last memories of my life.
The title of the first episode of the video was:
“I will have passed away by the time you see this video.”
1.
I was wrapped up tightly, with only my eyes showing.
Suddenly, I was stopped by the person in front of me.
“Hello, I’m a blogger who helps people fulfill their wishes. Can I do an interview with you?”
This was the third month since I withdrew from the entertainment industry.
Thinking I was recognized by a paparazzi, I quickly waved my hand to refuse.
However, the person in front of me was still trying to persuade me. “Do you have any unfulfilled wishes? I can help you, and it’s free.”
I turned around and left, but then suddenly heard her chasing after me and showing me her phone screen. “I’m not a骗子. I have a short – video account. If you don’t believe me, take a look?”
I thought she was very impolite, but what she said was true.
She was clearly a new blogger. The number of her videos was pitifully small, and the number of clicks was also very few.
Seeing her sincere face, I suddenly thought of myself when I first entered the entertainment industry.
At that time, I was full of enthusiasm but faced repeated setbacks.
I suddenly felt a pang of pity. “What kind of wish can you help me fulfill?”
This silly girl just scratched her head. “It depends on what wish you have. To be honest, you’re the seventeenth person I’ve asked today, and none of them believed me. For example, do you have someone you want to see? Or a place you want to go? Tell me your story, and I’ll arrange it for you.”
I teased her a bit, but was also afraid of scaring her.
“What if I want you to record the last moments of my life? Would you be willing?
“On the premise that these videos cannot be released until I die.
“If I don’t die, these videos will be invalidated. Do you dare to take the bet?”
2.
The wish – fulfilling blogger was called Xiao Qin. She was thin and small.
She sat in front of me.
Looking very nervous.
No, she was almost crying.
“Sister Zhu Yuan, I didn’t expect it to be you. You’re really…” Her eyes were red, as if she couldn’t accept it at all. “I really like the dramas you’ve acted in.”
“Well, I can say I’m quite good in many aspects. But when I get sick, it’s always something serious. I have several kinds of cancer in my body.”
I took a piece of paper and handed it to her. “The doctor said I probably only have half a year left.”
She was still holding her phone towards me. “So, this is the real reason why you withdrew from the entertainment industry?”
“Yeah, I can’t act anymore. Constant chemotherapy has taken a lot of my energy. And…” I smiled. “Too many media outlets have released proof saying that I’m bald.”
This was the first time I took off my wig in front of the camera.
Under the wig, there was only sparse hair, and the entire scalp was clearly visible, a bit like Qiu Qianchi.
“You know, I love beauty. Always being photographed like this, I still need to save face, you know?
“I’m very greedy. I want you to fulfill seven wishes for me and make seven episodes of videos. How about it?”
3.
From May 2, 2024, to May 8, 2024.
The first episode (Part 1).
“I will have passed away by the time you see this video.”
“Take more pictures of my left face. My fans say my left face is much more beautiful than my right face.”
Xiao Qin was much calmer than a week ago, but she said that after learning about this, she cried at home for several days and lost three pounds.
“I will definitely take beautiful pictures of you.” She rubbed her eyes. “Sister Zhu Yuan, what’s your first wish?”
“I want to try the kora around Mount Kailash.”
She immediately nodded. “No problem. I’ll book tickets for you right now. But can I ask why you want to go there?”
I couldn’t force a smile in front of the camera. “I once made an appointment with Lu Xiao to go there together. Now I don’t have the chance. I want to see this place. Isn’t it said that it can purify the soul?”
Tibet is far away, but not so far that it can’t be reached.
After getting off the plane, the high altitude made me feel unwell. It took two days of traveling to reach the starting point of the kora, Tachen Town.
On the way there, Xiao Qin was always worried about my health and gave me various instructions.
I smiled and teased her. “I asked the doctor, and he said since I don’t have much time left anyway, I can go anywhere.”
With this sentence, the little girl’s eyes turned red again.
Then she asked carefully. “Sister Zhu Yuan, did you and Mr. Lu break up peacefully?”
I knew what she was euphemistically asking.
In fact, my divorce from Lu Xiao was a big and embarrassing mess.
But at this moment when I was about to leave this world, I finally had the courage to say it. “In his opinion, it must not be a peaceful breakup. Like you all, he thought I had an affair.”
“So you really didn’t have an affair, right?” The little girl’s eyes were bright. “I knew I didn’t misjudge you.”
I nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I loved this man so much. How could I even look at other men?”
New bloggers have a drawback. Their emotions fluctuate too much.
She burst into tears directly in front of the camera.
She sobbed. “At that time, the media all scolded you for having an affair. How dare they?”
I still had to comfort her in front of the camera.
Finally, I had to admit:
“Forget it. I’ll tell you. It was all self – directed and self – acted by me.”
4.
From May 2, 2024, to May 8, 2024.
The first episode (Part 2).
“I will have passed away by the time you see this video.”
“Half a year before my divorce, I was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, there was only one type of cancer. The doctor told me that as long as I cooperated with the treatment obediently, there was still a hope of survival.
“Later I learned that most doctors are very kind – hearted, but sometimes they like to lie.
“I asked my childhood friend to act with me, just to get rid of Lu Xiao quickly.
“Don’t look at him as a president of a group enterprise, being decisive and efficient on weekdays. But he’s very stubborn when it comes to me.”
I didn’t say anything more later. Everyone who understood would understand.
Xiao Qin continued to ask me with a sad face. “Sister, why didn’t you tell him the truth about your illness?”
“The process of dying is very painful. Why drag others into it?”
Xiao Qin suddenly said. “In the recent news, I heard that President Lu has a new girlfriend by his side.”
“Really? Then I really have to congratulate him.” I was sincere. “He deserves someone better.”
I endured the discomfort of nausea caused by the bumpy journey.
“I’m really not acting here. Just when it comes to the time of dying, I can let go of everything.
“I once joked with Lu Xiao that if he found another woman, I’d break his legs. Later, you see, it’s so easy for me to let go?”
At this time, the guide suddenly said. “Take a rest tonight. The rest of the journey has to be on foot. The whole journey is 52 kilometers. But I have to warn you. The altitude here is very high. Although it’s said to be 52 kilometers, it’s actually much more than that.”
On the first day of the kora, the destination was Zhire Temple.
You can see the golden mountain in the sunlight there.
“I suddenly feel that it’s unfair to you to let you accompany me on this life – risking hike for my own little desire.”
Xiao Qin shook her head. “Sister Zhu Yuan, I know my own body. If I can’t hold on, I won’t force myself. And you said you’ve been doing the strategy for several months and even prepared all the items well.”
Fortunately, neither of us had any altitude sickness symptoms.
We were also lucky.
The day after staying overnight at Zhire Temple, I saw the golden mountain in the sunlight.
I imitated the pose on the Internet, spreading my arms to take pictures.
I shouted. “If possible, I hope you can forget me.”
After thinking for a while, I shouted another sentence. “Lu Xiao, I came here for you. You don’t need to come.”
Along the way, we could meet many devout Tibetans kowtowing and praying.
We experienced hail.
The food was also very bad.
We slept in a shabby bed with a bad experience.
It took three days to complete the kora hike.
I gave a summary of this episode in front of the camera.
“What I didn’t tell you is that at first, I did the strategy because I wanted to come here with Lu Xiao. Later, I decided to come alone. I once thought about coming here to commit suicide.”
Xiao Qin was so scared that she directly held my hand.
I patted her hand and continued.
“At that time, I thought since I couldn’t be cured anyway. I could die in a lake, on a snow – capped mountain, or just on the journey.
“But later, I suddenly didn’t want to die. I wanted to live a good life in the last days, which could be considered as not living in vain.”
Xiao Qin suddenly asked me. “Is there any regret in the first – stage journey?”
I nodded. Just thinking about it made me feel scared.
“My parents dote on me very much, but I lied to them. I didn’t tell them about my illness either.
“I even lied to them that I started filming again and came to Tibet to film.
“I’m sorry. I was really unfilial.”
5.
June 4, 2024.
The second episode (Part 1).
“Life’s Flashbacks.”
After coming back from Tibet, it took me a whole month to recover from the altitude sickness and the fatigue of the journey before I could contact Xiao Qin again.
There was also a chemotherapy during this period.
Every time, I felt it was more difficult to get up than the previous time. It seemed to have drained my strength and made me closer to death.
I wasn’t sure if I could trust this girl I met only once.
If the first – episode video was exposed now, she could become popular immediately.
I was just taking a bet that when people face a dying person, they always have a little more conscience.
“Sister Zhu Yuan, what’s your second wish?”
“I want everyone to know more about me, and I also want to walk the paths I’ve walked before again.”
Xiao Qin looked worried in front of the camera. “With your physical condition, we can take it slow.”
“It’s okay. I naturally came to you after I had enough rest. At the last moment of life, people become greedy and want to fulfill more and more wishes.”
“You look really good in your造型 today. It kind of reminds me of the popular idol drama you were in, ‘Do You Still Remember Me Today?’ “
Today, my wig was short – haired.
In the drama, I was a short – haired college graduate who got involved with the president of the internship company.
I smiled and touched my head. “I can change my hairstyle at will now. Am I handsome?”
“But you’re getting thinner and thinner. Didn’t the people around you notice?”
I felt a little embarrassed. “I divorced Lu Xiao, so naturally I don’t need to meet him. Since I got sick, I’ve met my parents less and less. But they’re my parents, and they inevitably want to video – chat with me. Guess what I said? I said I was acting as a seriously ill patient.”
I only dared to tell the truth with lies.
She rubbed her eyes in front of me. “So where do you want to go in this episode?”
“I want to go back to the place where I lived when I was a child.”
It was only a two – hour drive, and I arrived at my childhood hometown.
“Sister Zhu Yuan, where’s your assistant?”
My assistant is a simple and honest sister. Sometimes when she followed me, there were some famous scenes.
“You mean Yu Li? I told her not to follow me.”
“So does she know about your physical condition?”
“Hahaha.” I laughed when I said this. “Guess what reason I used. She’s been with me for so long. How could she not notice something was wrong?”
I calmly sat in front of the camera. “I also lied. I said I was so in love with Lu Xiao, but the affair made us separate, and I got depressed. I wanted to withdraw from the entertainment industry to treat my depression.”
“Did she believe it?”
“Of course not. She and my agent, Sister Li, pulled me and cried, saying they would take me to see a doctor. I said give me some time, and I would go to see a doctor myself. I would travel around for a while and then come back.”
“Do they probably already know?”
“The fact that my hair is bald can’t be hidden anyway. I thought these reasons I made up were very clever. But one day, Sister Li said she didn’t care about me making money. She just wanted me to live well.”
When I said this, I had already shed tears.
I wiped the corners of my eyes.
“Probably no one dared to mention these sad things in front of me, so they didn’t say how much they knew.
“Yu Li, this girl, bought me ten wigs at her own expense, saying they were gifts for me to go on a trip to relax.”
Saying this, I stopped.
I’m now completely素颜, wearing a mask and a hat, with the simplest hoodie and jeans on my body, and carrying a simple canvas bag.
Passers – by regarded me as an ordinary person.
I took out a thermos cup from my bag and took a drink. “This is my primary school.”
“Sister, you went to the No. 1 Experimental Primary School?”
I nodded and pointed to the big tree on the playground. “At that time, I compared my courage with others and climbed up. But then I couldn’t get down. I was so scared that I cried and peed my pants on the tree.”
“Sister Zhu Yuan, classes are still going on now. I’m afraid the doorman won’t let us in.”
“We don’t need to go in. I just want to take a look. Don’t disturb their work. I’m just taking one more look. After drinking Mengpo’s soup, I won’t remember anything.”
“Hey, why are you such a crybaby? The director should ask you to act as a big crybaby.”
I pointed to an alley not far from the primary school.
“Come on, I’ll take you to see my old home. I haven’t been back for many years.”
But as soon as I entered, I was stunned.
I stood there, confused in the wind.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, this place has been demolished.”
The camera on my phone couldn’t help but shake.
“What should I do? It seems my old home is gone?”
I turned back to the camera. I guess the audience couldn’t see my expression.
I was a little disappointed after all.
Just couldn’t say it out.
“Take two steps forward. I’ll introduce it to you according to what I remember.
“This used to be an old street. The media always said I was a rich man’s daughter. I explained when I attended events, but no one believed me.
“Taking this opportunity, I just want to show you. I grew up here when I was a child. The houses around were all old bungalows. What I remember most is that I played with a dog at that time, and finally the dog chased me and bit my butt.”
“Ah?”
“Fortunately, it was winter at that time. I lived with my grandparents. They dressed me in several layers of pants. Finally, it bit a hole and the cotton came out, but it didn’t bite my flesh.”
It really sounds both funny and sad.
At least Xiao Qin laughed. “Sister Zhu Yuan, I really can’t imagine you being chased by a dog.”
The two of us ended our laughter, and I said, “Come on, I’ll take you to see my high school. It’s not far either.”
I stopped.
“This is also the place where I met Lu Xiao.”
6.
June 4, 2024.
The second episode (Part 2).
“Life’s Flashbacks.”
“Before going, I want to see if there’s a noodle restaurant still there. I’ll treat you to noodles because I loved it when I was a child.”
Fortunately, the noodle restaurant was still there, but the signboard was new.
But the boss was still the same old man.
“I haven’t been back for many years. I don’t know if it still tastes the same.”
When I was a child, food was scarce, and the conditions were average. I wasn’t picky, and everything tasted delicious.
“You just eat plain noodles?” Xiao Qin frowned. “Don’t you want to add something?”
“I thought this dry – mixed noodles were a delicacy back then. The boss’s soy sauce is self – brewed. I ordered noodles with toppings for you. Try it.”
Although the taste was really good, my appetite was getting worse.
“So, Sister Zhu Yuan, do you think the noodles taste different from when you were a kid?”
“The same.” There were tears in my eyes. “Really the same.”
I sighed again. “It’s delicious, but my appetite is getting worse.”
I couldn’t eat anymore.
Xiao Qin was eating and wiping away tears at the same time. “Sister Zhu Yuan, I’m also someone who has eaten the same delicious food as you.”
As I was eating, suddenly a plate appeared in front of me.
There were two fried eggs on it.
I turned to look at him. “Boss, I didn’t order this.”
The boss lit a cigarette. “It’s for you. Eat up. You look a lot like a naughty girl on this street. I heard she’s become a big star now.”
“I look like her?” I couldn’t help my eyes getting red. “She must be very happy that someone still remembers her.”
“One year, I heard from the neighbors that she came back here to hold some event. I couldn’t even squeeze in.” His hands didn’t stop either. He wiped the table. “By the way, every time she came, she would order dry – mixed noodles with a fried egg.”
“Grandpa, you said she was naughty?” Xiao Qin asked.
“Naughty. She was the naughtiest kid on the whole street, but she was also the most likable.” The old man crushed the cigarette in the ashtray. “I just don’t know how she’s doing now. This store is going to be demolished soon, and I can’t keep doing this anymore. I’m afraid I won’t be able to see her.”
“Didn’t you say she became a big star?” Xiao Qin reminded him. “You can see her on TV, right?”
“I only remember what that girl looked like when she was a kid. I can’t recognize her when she grows up. These girls keep changing their looks with ancient costumes and makeup. I can’t tell.”
I whispered to Xiao Qin’s camera. “After I debuted, Zhu Yuan was my stage name.”
“Grandpa, she must be too busy. If she comes back, you’ll definitely recognize her.”
“Right? I know she’s been sending me money all these years. She didn’t leave her name, but who else would send money to an old widower like me for so many years? I’ve given out a lot of fried eggs over the years. I don’t know if I’ve given them to the right person.”
Coming out of the noodle restaurant, Xiao Qin asked, “Sister Zhu Yuan, actually you came here just to see him, right?”
“You’ve found me out. I’m so embarrassed.” I didn’t deliberately avoid the camera. “When I was around ten years old, he was already alone. He always smiled at me. After all these years of being busy, he’s still alone. So I transfer some money to him every year.”
Xiao Qin suddenly thought of something and forgot that she was still holding the phone. The camera drifted out of the frame.
“Those unscrupulous media always say that you live a luxurious and shallow life. They also say that you’re the stingiest female star in the entertainment industry.” She was indignant. “Just because you canceled the sponsorship of a female student.”
That was indeed a stain on my record.
I was scolded on the hot search and even lost my endorsements.
“I actually told her that I could sponsor her until she found a job. But then she asked me for the latest iPhone and said she wanted to go abroad to see the world. She thought that as a star, I shouldn’t care about such a small amount of money.”
I took out a piece of candy from my pocket and handed it to her. “The noodles have a strong garlic smell. Have some. I think it’s better to give the money to other children who need it more instead of her going abroad for a trip.”
As we were talking, we arrived at the high – school gate.
Still, we couldn’t get in.
“That’s the teaching building, and behind it is the library. So many years have passed, and this playground has been renovated. It’s a plastic track now.”
“Sister Zhu Yuan, the audience must be very curious about how you and Mr. Lu Xiao met. Can you tell us?”
“I was a bit slow – witted in high school. He transferred to our school in the third year of high school. At that time, I always thought he was targeting me. I thought he must be jealous of my first – in – class grades. I just didn’t like him. We even became sworn enemies.”
I led her for a walk along the school wall and pointed to the teaching building. “See that Class 1 on the fifth floor? The honors class. I had classes there in my senior year of high school. Thinking about it, time flies so fast. I’ve changed from a student who couldn’t get enough sleep to an adult who still can’t get enough sleep.”
Xiao Qin was amused by me. “You always stayed up late when filming, right?”
“Yes. So whenever I had a chance to sleep, I would seize the time to rest. I couldn’t let myself look sallow and with my hair really falling out, being judged by all kinds of cameras every day, right?”
“So how did you change from sworn enemies to a couple?”
I pursed my lips and shook my head. “Actually, although he doesn’t talk much usually, he’s really scheming. I always thought his grades were just a few points lower than mine. Every time I took an exam, I was very proud. But it turns out he could calculate scores, not only his own but also mine. He said he thought my proud look was very cute every time, so he would rack his brains to miss or get two questions wrong. The most amazing thing is that he was just a few points behind me and got the second place.
“I think if this video is released, he might be scolded as a straight – laced guy. Later, when I found out his grades were better than mine, I was so angry that I didn’t talk to him for a month.
“After the college entrance examination, he actually confessed to me.
“At that time, I thought he was a liar and said harshly: If I’m with you, I’m a dog.
“And guess how he confessed? He said he watched a movie and if you ask someone what their favorite food is, it means you like that person. So he persisted for a month, asking me what I liked to eat every day. At that time, I thought his family ran a grocery store because he could always bring all kinds of delicious food.
“I think if he hadn’t been straightforward in the end, I might never have realized that he liked me in my life.
“I’m telling you, if you release this video, his president image will be gone. Because in order to be with me, he said he was the real dog.” I continued to say to the camera, “I’ve shown you the story. I hope in the future, I have no more connection with him. He should have his own life. I also hope that those who care about me don’t go looking for him or scolding him. I can’t be with him for a lifetime. I hope everyone can take care of him for me. And what’s the point of asking around? I’m dead. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.
“No matter how estranged we become in the end, the kindness he showed me was real.”
Coming out of high school, I was a bit tired from walking so much.
I found a step by the lake and sat down.
Xiao Qin was holding the phone below, filming me. “Sister Zhu Yuan, what are you thinking now?”
A gust of wind blew, and the wig covered my eyes.
I rubbed my sore eyes.
“I’ve signed up for organ donation. You all live well for me, okay?”
There was a sentence I didn’t say out loud.
“Lu Xiao, you win. I miss you so much now.”
7.
From June 15, 2024, to June 17, 2024.
The third episode (Part 1).
“Why do our dearest ones leave? Because I want to go to the next life in advance and arrange a home for them.”
Xiao Qin’s voice came from outside the camera. “Sister Zhu Yuan, is it okay? You want me to go home with you?”
“Just for two days, to record my life. Saying it’s a record is probably like a kind of legacy. I want to leave something for my parents.”
They haven’t enjoyed a good life with me for many years.
But now, they have to experience the pain of losing their child while they’re still alive.
“Then what identity should I go with?” she asked carefully. “Saying I’m an assistant, how about that?”
“Friend.” I looked at her with a smile. “Aren’t we?”
Xiao Qin’s crying voice passed through the camera and reached my heart.
“It’s so nice, sister. I can be your friend.”
When I thought that my parents would also cry, I felt very sad.
“I’ve thought of many ways to tell them this fact. But I’m still too scared.” I was driving, taking her home. “You know, at first, the doctor told me I only had one type of cancer. At that time, I locked myself in the room for two days. When I came out of the room, I thought it through. I decided to hide it. I thought that with one type of cancer, I might have a chance to face it alone and even defeat it. But later, I found out I was running out of time. I couldn’t catch up with the speed of its spread.
“Don’t cry. The camera will shake. If you cry too much, my parents will think I’m bullying you and beat me later.
“There are always regrets in life, right?
“What can we do? Whether you have money or not, there’s no solution.”
My parents had been waiting for me at the door for a long time.
They habitually helped me take my luggage. “Just one bag?”
“Oh, Mr. Zhu, it’s not easy for me to get two days off.”
My mom immediately started nagging. “Why have you lost so much weight? Is the food in the crew bad?”
“Ms. Yang Yun, the new drama requires me to lose weight. I’m playing a girl from a poor family. If I’m fat, it won’t be qualified.”
“What kind of drama is that? How can it make you lose weight like this?” She grabbed my arm. “Look at you, your bones are showing. People really don’t care about other people’s children.”
“Okay. After this crew is done, I’ll rest for a long time. Then, Ms. Yang Yun, you’ll be responsible for making me delicious food and making me fat, okay?”
My dad spoke up again. “Hurry up and come in. Are you all standing at the door waiting to be photographed?”
I laughed out loud. “Mr. Zhu, you’ve learned to guard against paparazzi now.”
“Before you withdrew from the entertainment industry, I thought I finally didn’t have to act like a thief when going out to buy groceries. But then you started filming again. I have to be careful. I said women’s minds are hard to guess. They’re always changing.”
Xiao Qin followed me in. “Uncle and aunt, hello. I’m Sister Zhu Yuan’s friend.”
“What a cute girl. But why are you so thin too? Come to auntie’s house, and auntie will fatten you up by two pounds.”
“Okay, thank you, auntie.” Xiao Qin smiled. “Sister Zhu Yuan has long told me that your cooking is delicious. I’ve been wanting to try it.”
This sentence stunned the four people on the scene.
I covered my forehead.
I really forgot to tell this girl in advance.
My mom’s cooking is innovative, to put it mildly. It’s really strange and can’t be called delicious.
My dad is a good cook, but our whole family unanimously says it’s my mom who cooks.
I stretched out my hand. “Ms. Yang Yun, I’ve praised you so much. Shouldn’t you give me a red envelope?”
“Ask your dad to give it. I’m reluctant. I want to save my private money to buy you candy.”
The atmosphere was so good.
I suddenly thought of my childhood. “Ms. Yang Yun, you spoiled me too much when I was a kid. Do you know I had several teeth decayed? Why are you still trying to harm me now?”
The old couple made a table full of dishes.
“My god, Mr. Zhu, do you think I’m a pig?” I criticized their behavior. “Are you planning to eat leftovers for several days after I leave? I’m telling you, this is neither scientific nor healthy. You have to promise me not to do this again.”
After saying this, I was stunned.
This was very much like a last word.
My mom hit me on the head with her chopsticks. “You’re not even grateful. You called and said you were coming back. Your dad got up at five o’clock to buy groceries.”
I covered my head and yelled.
After Xiao Qin picked up her chopsticks, she sensibly exclaimed. “Auntie, your cooking is really delicious.”
“Girl, your friend is reliable.” My mom was rarely this happy. “If it’s delicious, eat more. Tomorrow, auntie will ask your uncle to… buy groceries again. Auntie will cook for you again.”
“Okay.”
After dinner, I lay on the sofa, empty – minded.
My stomach hurt very much.
My parents were busy cleaning up the dishes.
“Every time I come back, I’m like a do – nothing. They won’t let me do anything, saying I’m a little princess. They also say I work too hard outside and just need to relax.”
“Sister Zhu Yuan, your family has a great atmosphere.”
“Yeah.” This house was still the old one after we moved. Even after I became famous in the entertainment industry and bought a new house, they didn’t move. “The old house is a bit small. You can sleep with me tonight.”
“Really?” Xiao Qin’s excited eyes were not fake.
She even said without thinking. “Wish – group members, I’ve fulfilled your dream! I’m going to sleep with Sister Zhu Yuan.”
After the pain passed, I was a bit tired and fell asleep on the sofa.
When I woke up, Xiao Qin was looking at me. I had a blanket on me.
The sky was getting dark.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
Xiao Qin’s voice was soft. “I couldn’t bear to. I watched you for two hours. You’re so beautiful.”
After having dinner, Xiao Qin and I went to wash up respectively.
The phone on the stand in the living room recorded everything that happened.
I came out of the bathroom.
My mom finally couldn’t help but ask me worriedly.
“Girl, tell me, what’s really going on? Why did you lose your hair?”
8.
From June 15, 2024, to June 17, 2024.
The third episode (Part 2).
“Why do our dearest ones leave? Because I want to go to the next life in advance and arrange a home for them.”
I was surprised by my mom’s keenness.
I had been hiding for so long, but it finally came.
I summoned up my courage and finally said. “It’s for the role. The character I’m playing is from a poor family and is always bullied. Then a girl in the same village was jealous of her good looks and shaved half of her hair while she was sleeping.”
I was very nervous. I didn’t know if my mom would believe such a lame reason.
Fortunately, my mom believed it easily. “Can’t you use a wig like those actors playing Qing Dynasty princes?”
“My hair is too thick. It would look fake. Besides, it’s not like it won’t grow back. As a person who is responsible for the role, I don’t want to deal with the audience like that.” I even teased her. “Mom, how did you find out? I was still thinking that if you didn’t notice, I would suddenly take it off and scare you.”
“Let me see you take off that wig?” My mom was angry. “You’re a piece of my flesh. How could I not recognize it? I even know your hair strands.”
I gave her a thumbs – up.
“Ms. Yang Yun is still the best. Nothing can escape your eyes.”
The moment I took off the wig, I saw the heart – broken look in my mom’s eyes.
Ms. Yang Yun, don’t look at me like this. I’m afraid I really can’t hold on.
After finally dealing with my parents.
I sat in the room waiting for Xiao Qin.
She pointed the camera at me and found me crying.
But I held back my sobs.
She immediately ran over. “Sister, stop crying, okay?”
I couldn’t help it and suddenly hugged her. “Do you know what it feels like to send off your own daughter? I’m afraid they can’t take it.”
I cried for a while, then remembered I still had things to do.
“I invited you to my home because I also wanted you to record with the camera.” I took out several bank cards from my bag.
“Let’s play a little game. The money I’ve earned over the years is in these cards. I’ll hide them in various places in the house.”
“You tell my parents that if they’re sad, they can play this treasure – hunting game with me.”
I lay on the same bed with her.
I also talked about a lot of things, some trivial.
I didn’t know if I had said everything or if there was anything missing.
“I’ll entrust a friend to continue sponsoring the students I’ve been sponsoring.
“I built a hope primary school. Unfortunately, it’s just started to be built. I promised the principal I would go for the ribbon – cutting. I can only say sorry.
“In my previous drama, many people scolded me for being fat. In fact, I was swollen because of my illness. I’m sorry.
“When I was a kid, my dad dragged me to learn how to ride a bike. As soon as I pedaled a few steps, he let go. I crashed into the bushes and lost a tooth. My mom was watching from the window and kept scolding. So I have a false tooth.
“When I first entered the industry, I was scolded by the director for not acting well, and I just kept crying.
“I said I like blue to the public, but actually I like pink the most. I was afraid people would think it was tacky, so I’ve been lying since I was a kid. I got so used to it that I even believed it myself.
“I’ve retouched my photos. They’re not black – and – white, and I’m smiling brightly. I’ll send them to you later. This can be used as my posthumous photo.
“Actually, I’m really unfilial. The only thing I can leave them is just bank cards.”
This part of the video was shaking severely.
The next day, both Xiao Qin and I had puffy eyes.
“We can’t stay up late watching dramas anymore. Look, we’re like two pandas.” I pretended to be calm and then ate a lot with Xiao Qin throughout the day.
Towards dinner time, I said I had to leave.
My mom stuffed me with chili sauce. “The food in the crew is not good. You love this chili sauce I made, right? Take it with you.”
I stood aside and said to Xiao Qin, “You know, this is really made by my mom. It’s really delicious. Mom, give Xiao Qin two bottles too.”
Xiao Qin waved her hand to refuse.
I directly took it for her. “Let’s go. We have to fly to the crew early tomorrow morning. We can’t waste time.”
I drove for about half an hour.
Finally, I stopped at a remote corner.
I quickly pushed the car door open, got out, and vomited everything out.
I couldn’t eat that much food anymore. I just forced myself to eat.
My stomach was hurting terribly, churning.
After finally getting better, my eyes were red from crying. “Xiao Qin, I can never eat my mom’s chili sauce again. Look, I’m still alive, but my stomach can’t take it anymore.”
This time, it was Xiao Qin’s turn to cry loudly.
I rarely heard a girl cry so miserably.
It was as miserable as it could be.
“Stop crying. Your crying makes me not want to cry anymore.”
She threw her phone aside, and the camera was facing the car roof.
No one could be seen, only her shouting voice.
“How can I not be sad? I’m accompanying you to fulfill your last wishes. I’m so sad. I’m so sad that I’m about to die.
“Why can’t I cry? I just want to cry.”
9.
From July 1, 2024, to July 2, 2024.
The fourth episode (Part 1).
“If there was a time scroll, I really want to meet you all.”
“After this episode of the video is released, they will definitely complain that I’m padding the content.”
I had been lying on the table maintaining one position for a long time.
“How could that be? As long as the fans see you and see that you’re okay, they’ll be very happy.”
I held up the photo in my hand. “I’ve made a vow to sign ten thousand autographed photos for you all. But I seem to be too tired. I’ll sign as many as I can.”
“If you’re tired, don’t sign anymore. They’ll feel bad for you.”
“My agent said that autographed photos are sold very expensively in private. Later, I’ll entrust the company to hold a fair and just lottery. As long as you win, it will be mailed to you for free.”
I looked at the camera seriously. “I’m telling you, don’t make money from a dead person’s things. If there are people reselling them, I won’t let you go even if I become a ghost.”
“It’s so nice to be your fan.”
“Actually, it’s not that nice.” I thought for a while. “I have too many topics around me, and my fans are quite tired. They’re always fighting for me. Every time I persuade them not to care, they don’t want to lose. In the future, they can take a rest.”
Xiao Qin thought for a while. “Is there anything else you want to say to the fans?”
I put down the pen and said solemnly.
“I want you to see this beautiful world for me.
“I’ve been too busy with work. I haven’t had time to see and taste more, and I’ve had no chance to see you lovely people. I won’t cancel my social media account. If you’re willing, I’ll pin the obituary. You can leave comments for me. For example, tell me what you saw today, what you ate, which country you’re in, and what meaningful things you’ve done.
“By the way, eat more spicy food for me. I like it.
“I think I can see it in that world. It must be extremely interesting.
“Also, those who scolded me, be my friends in the next life, okay? I don’t want to be scolded all the time. It really hurts.”
“However, because of your criticism, I became a better person.”
I was so tired from signing that I finally couldn’t hold on and fell asleep.
In my dream, Lu Xiao asked me, “Shall we have a child?”
I woke up in a cold sweat.
Because of my illness, I seemed to have lost a child.
10.
From July 1, 2024, to July 2, 2024.
The fourth episode (Part 2).
“If there was a time scroll, I really want to meet you all.”
“I bought some gifts. Today, we’re going out to find some places. I’ve thought about it for a long time, worried about whether there would be any safety hazards. So you have to promise me not to fight. I’ll put the gifts in some corners with few people and no cars. Fans who find them can keep them as a souvenir.
“The videos of the places where the gifts are placed will be released in batches. Three days after these videos are released, I’ll ask Xiao Qin to help me put the gifts in these selected places one by one.
“If there are any safety hazards involved, the subsequent gifts will be canceled and all will be used for donation.
“This is a little game I’ve agreed with you. I hope you’ll like it.”
Xiao Qin looked at me and said, “You brought a lot of clothes today. What are you going to do with them?”
“Take pictures.” I smiled. “I’ll leave an eight – grid photo for everyone. And for the remaining grid, you all can help me complete it.”
“Then where’s the photographer?”
“You are. Aren’t you right here?”
“Sister Zhu Yuan, are you serious? My friends around me always complain about my photography skills.”
“It’s okay. We have plenty of time today. We can always pick out eight good – looking photos. And I’m naturally beautiful. I’m not afraid of your bad skills.”
Before long, I regretted it.
“Xiao Qin, I knew your skills were bad, but I didn’t expect them to be this bad. Aren’t you a video blogger?”
“Sister, I don’t do much editing when I shoot videos. Taking pictures is just too difficult. I’m afraid I’ll make you look ugly, and then your fans will scold me.”
I could tell she was getting anxious.
“They don’t dare.” I smiled and teased her. “The videos are in your hands. If anyone scolds you, you can threaten them that you won’t release the following videos. Then they’ll be as good as gold.”
“Sister, you’re so naughty.”
I waved to the camera.
“Goodbye. We’re going to take pictures. You’ll see the final result soon.
“Stay tuned.”
11.
From July 10, 2024, to July 12, 2024.
The fifth episode (Part 1).
“Separation in life and death is a compulsory course that one can never learn in a lifetime.”
“What did you say, Sister Zhu Yuan? This is your ‘lover’?”
Xiao Qin’s voice was so loud. After so many episodes, it still had that piercing quality.
I made a “shh” gesture to the camera. “Can you be quieter? Let me introduce. This is my childhood friend, Han Xu, the so – called childhood sweetheart. We grew up wearing the same pair of open – crotch pants.”
I felt a bit sorry. “So, besides the doctor, I took the initiative to tell him about my illness. I always feel a bit sorry for him. He was already quite busy, but now he’s always worried about my condition. He remembers the days of my chemotherapy better than I do.”
Xiao Qin had learned how to interview. “May I ask Mr. Han, why did you agree to be the ‘lover’ as Sister Zhu Yuan asked?”
Han Xu frowned and looked at the camera. “How could I know she would make such a request? But when she said she had cancer, I couldn’t refuse.”
“Um, was the scene of being caught in the act of adultery tragic?”
“I got punched in both eyes.” Han Xu pointed at the camera. “Lu, I didn’t dare to fight back. Otherwise, we can have a match someday. It’s not that I can’t beat you.”
“Men really have such strange competitive minds.” I was speechless. “Are you going to take me there or not?”
Han Xu immediately changed his expression and became gentle. “I’ll go get the wheelchair. Wait for me.”
He pushed the wheelchair over, with a blanket on it.
“Come on, I said I can walk by myself. You insist on pushing me.”
This was a闲置的别墅 in Han Xu’s family.
“Shut up and get on.”
I obediently listened, sat on it, and covered myself with the blanket.
“I’m just going for chemotherapy. Why do you look like I’m going to my death? Smile, Mr. Han.”
Han Xu really forced a smile.
It was so ugly.
I didn’t show the process of going to the hospital. The camera only showed me getting on the car and getting off.
The only difference was my face, which looked more tired and pale.
I returned to Han Xu’s villa.
“I’ve made a list. I want to invite some friends to dinner. It’s kind of a farewell.”
I spent two days inviting two groups of people to dinner.
After having enough to eat and drink, I would stand in front of the villa and say goodbye to them properly.
Some of them joked with a smile. “Are you really together with Han Xu? Does that mean we’re having an official – announcement dinner?”
Friends are really friends. They can ignore the so – called “affair” and “tolerate” me unconditionally.
I smiled and replied. “Who knows? Let it be.”
Finally, I said goodbye to everyone seriously.
“Goodbye.”
See you in the next life.
12.
From July 10, 2024, to July 12, 2024.
The fifth episode (Part 2) – Xiao Qin’s perspective.
“Separation in life and death is a compulsory course that one can never learn in a lifetime.”
This episode of the video doesn’t have the protagonist you’re expecting. I’m the narrator.
I’m Xiao Qin.
A wish – fulfilling blogger who randomly finds people to fulfill their wishes.
Sister Zhu Yuan is the seventh protagonist of my video shooting.
At the end of the video, I’ll show you the whole process of the random street interview.
Otherwise, you’re always curiously asking me why Sister Zhu Yuan chose me, a stranger, to make this “Death Flashback” video.
Let me first talk about what happened after the first four episodes of the video were released.
At first, Sister Zhu Yuan said she wanted me to make seven episodes of videos. Later, I was a bit greedy. I really liked her, so I divided many episodes into two parts.
I’m just like you.
Greedy for more time to see her.
You don’t know how much effort I put into editing these videos. I often cried so hard that I couldn’t breathe.
But I’m also lucky. If there hadn’t been that interview, she might have followed her original plan to find a place where no one knew her and quietly die until her body was discovered.
She seemed to want to tell the world something. I actually knew that she probably felt pity and wanted to help me, a video blogger with poor data.
She was so kind even when she was about to die.
But I, I would rather these videos never see the light of day.
Unfortunately, this was just a dream.
I sent out all the gifts. As expected of Sister Zhu Yuan’s fans, everyone was very civilized. They remembered to take a photo when they got the gifts and show us what gifts she had prepared.
I met the person I expected.
Lu Xiao.
This big man cried like a child in front of me.
I thought Sister Zhu Yuan definitely wouldn’t want the person she loved to be seen by you in such an ugly state, so I put a mosaic on Mr. Lu.
“Sister Zhu Yuan told me that if you came to me, I should persuade you not to cry.”
“Does she know how cruel this is?”
“She also said that if you scolded her, I should scold you back on her behalf.” I opened my mouth, but in the end, I only said, “Lu Xiao, it’s too late. You were always so focused on your career that you didn’t even notice my hair loss.”
He was obviously in great pain.
He just said to me, “It’s my fault. It’s my fault. But why didn’t she tell me?”
I shook my head. “If she wanted to tell you, she would have told you before. As for why, I guess it’s because she really liked you. So she didn’t want you to be sad.”
“Where is she buried?”
“I can tell you the address, but are you sure you want to go?”
“What do you mean?”
“Mr. Lu, you already have a new life.” I tried to persuade him. “Why bother?”
“I regret it.” He smiled miserably. “I regret it. I’ve always loved her. I can’t forget her at all.”
“Then you’re different from what I imagined. You say you can’t forget Sister Zhu Yuan, so you start a new relationship? This is unfair to your current girlfriend.”
He hung his head dejectedly. “I broke up with her. But unfortunately, Zhu Yuan didn’t give me a chance to win her back.”
She’s dead. Where could there be a chance?
“She didn’t tell you probably because she didn’t want to see this situation happen.”
The second person I received was Han Xu.
He sat in front of me. In the camera, he looked much more haggard.
He actually asked the question first. “Guess why I came to you?”
I was very puzzled. “I don’t know. I didn’t expect it either. Because you know everything about Sister Zhu Yuan.”
He shook his head and said to the camera. “I know everything about her, but there are things about me that she doesn’t know.”
He continued, “The reason why I agreed to pretend to be her lover is actually because… well, I like her.
“Anyway, she can’t see this now. I can say whatever I want. I didn’t dare to confess when she was alive because I knew there was someone in her heart.
“Now, I’m confessing because I want to have less regret. At least in the last part of her life, I was involved.
“Damn Zhu Yuan, in the next life, can you come to me? Actually, dating me is also quite good.”
13.
July 30, 2024.
The sixth episode.
“If there’s anything more terrifying than life and death in the world, regret is probably one of them.”
I was a bit nervous in front of the camera.
Xiao Qin teased me. “Sister, you face the camera every day. Do you still get nervous?”
“Of course.” I nodded. “Usually, I’m acting. But today is a formal farewell. Naturally, I’m a bit nervous.”
I pointed to my clothes. “I’m wearing a suit today. It’s quite formal.”
Xiao Qin continued, “Then go ahead. I’m recording for you.”
“I stayed at home for half a month. I didn’t ask Xiao Qin to come and film for me. I was a bit greedy and wanted to be alone with my parents. I think the last time was extremely happy.
“But the bad thing is that I feel my physical condition is getting worse and worse.
“Even my doctor asked me if I was sure not to tell my parents.
“I once thought about holding a funeral for myself, thinking about preparing a special scene. And looking for some suitable music. Or thinking about what to write on my tombstone.
“Later, I got lazy and didn’t care anymore. I thought my parents would arrange it well, or Han Xu would help me arrange it properly. I still want to be my little princess and be lazy.
“I want to say to those of you who saw the first video, don’t cry.
“I’m just going to another time – space.
“Maybe I’ve started a new game, saving some world.
“By the way, Zhu Yuan is my stage name.
“My real name is Zhu Xiali. Don’t forget it.
“Well, it’s time to say goodbye.
“Goodbye.”
14.
August 2, 2024.
The seventh episode (Part 1).
“The Secret That Can’t Be Told.”
“Don’t be nervous. Just say it normally.” I held the camera, and the person in front of the camera was Xiao Qin.
“Sister, why don’t you do it instead? I’m suitable for holding the camera, not for being in front of it. I’m nervous.” She was nervously pulling her hair.
“No way. I look too ugly right now. Please, let me maintain a better image in the public’s eyes, okay?”
I handed her the paper. “Just read it as it is.”
Xiao Qin reluctantly picked up the paper and read it mechanically. As she read, she choked up.
“Sorry, although I said there would be seven episodes of videos, in the end, the last wish is my personal one, and I don’t want to make it public.
“I entrusted Xiao Qin to do this for me. Only my closest people are related to this wish.
“I’m a bit tired. I won’t film anymore after this.”
After Xiao Qin finished reading, she looked at me. “Sister, why don’t you say a few more words?”
This girl was crying as she spoke, and her snot was coming out.
“Stop crying. You’re on camera. You look so ugly. If you become famous in the future, this will be a meme.”
I sighed and pointed the camera at myself.
“Ugly or not, let you take a look at me again. Look carefully. You won’t be able to see me later.”
“By the way, which media said my nose was fake?” I shook my nose with my hand. “This is all natural.”
“Do you think my parents will cry?”
“Let’s make a peace sign?”
15.
August 2, 2024.
The seventh episode (Part 2) – Xiao Qin’s perspective.
“The Secret That Can’t Be Told.”
On August 7, 2024, Zhu Xiali left the world.
She donated her corneas to two blind children, allowing them to continue to appreciate the beauty of this world instead of her.
The doctor would decide what to do with her other organs.
The eight – grid photo was pinned as the obituary, and it received a lot of responses.
I’ll share the original picture. I just hope you don’t scold me for taking such ugly pictures.
Many people said they wanted to see the world for Sister Zhu Yuan.
I randomly took a few screenshots of the comments.
Let’s just take them as a memento.
[Zhu Xiali, I ate dry – mixed noodles with an egg for you today. “(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, I made braised pork today, but it got burned. Even the pot turned black. I tried it for you. Ugh, it’s so bitter. “(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, you’ve never been to Iceland, right? This is a picture of the aurora I took for you. “(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, I’ve tried it for you. British food is so难吃.留学生的命也是命啊。”(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, when you go there, can you help me see my dad and say hello to him? He looks like this… “(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, I tried the super – spicy Xinjiang fried rice noodles you like. It can make your mouth swollen. “(with a picture)
[Zhu Xiali, my sister really liked you. She also went to the world you’re in now. Can you sign for her? “
[Zhu Xiali, your last drama hasn’t been released yet. Why did you leave? “
[Zhu Xiali, I think I’ll be coming to accompany you soon. I also want to be friends with you like Xiao Qin. “
[Zhu Xiali, I hate you. But I also miss you so much. “
…
If there was a time scroll, would she also not want to leave?
16.
Extra – Xiao Qin
I brought the first letter to Sister Zhu Yuan’s parents.
The old couple seemed to have aged ten years.
Their hair seemed to have become even whiter.
“This is a letter Sister Zhu Yuan asked me to give you.” It was sealed well, and I definitely wouldn’t pry into other people’s privacy.
Sister Zhu Yuan’s mother took the letter, casually placed it on the table at first, and didn’t open it directly.
“Do you think she was in a lot of pain at the end?” Sister Zhu Yuan’s mother still couldn’t help crying.
I started crying too. “She said she was taking painkillers, so it wasn’t that painful.”
I lied.
The painkillers didn’t work at all.
She was sweating coldly from the pain and even vomited blood.
“That’s good. That’s good.” Sister Zhu Yuan’s mother seemed to be comforted. “This child has always only reported good news and not bad news since she was a child. But does she think that by hiding it for a while, we won’t be sad later?”
I didn’t know what to say. Although she spent the last days with her parents.
But how could the bitterness involved be put into words?
“Actually, I knew she was sick a long time ago.” Sister Zhu Yuan’s mother’s words made me look up in shock. “Before you came to our house.
“After all, she’s my own daughter. How could I not notice her changes?
“She lost so much weight. She loved acting the most but withdrew from the entertainment industry. She couldn’t hide the pain on her face when it hurt, and even lost all her hair. I knew she didn’t want us to be sad, so I could only pretend not to know anything.
“Her father was afraid she wouldn’t have the chance to eat, so he tried his best to learn all kinds of recipes every day.”
Now it was my turn to cry out loud.
I didn’t understand. At this last moment.
One person was desperately hiding.
The other two were also desperately hiding.
Who was more suffering?
Fortunately, in the end, her parents were by her side.
In fact, I still had many letters in my bag that I hadn’t given out.
I would send one letter to her parents every month as she asked, until I couldn’t send them anymore.
She said, “My company can only be this short. At least the letters are new, and they can still have something to look forward to.”
For Han Xu, she only left him one letter.
I didn’t watch the process of him reading the letter, but I knew this man was crying again behind me.
“Han Xu, she said she hid a gift in your house. You can look for it.”
It was an album, a growth record of them.
She spent a whole day making this.
As for Lu Xiao.
He also had three letters.
I once thought of being mean – spirited and not giving them to him, but he wasn’t really at fault.
After the video was released, he lost a lot of weight and looked listless.
I would send him one letter a year.
By the time I finish sending them.
Zhu Yuan would be three years old in the other world, right?
Well, this is the “secret that can’t be told” in Sister Zhu Yuan’s words.
About ten days later.
I received a package.
Inside was a brand – new camera.
Well, Zhu Xiali, I hate you.
But I also miss you so much.
