“When our son was admitted to an international high school, I proposed divorce to Yao Zhengqing.
He looked at me in surprise. “Lin Jiaqing, what on earth has gotten into you? Why suddenly bring up divorce?”
I slowly swallowed the food in my mouth. “Just because of the few words you said just now.”
I chose this restaurant to celebrate our son getting the offer from his dream school.
From the moment we entered, Yao Zhengqing started to be critical. “This decoration is so tacky. It clearly doesn’t look like an elegant restaurant.”
When the menu was handed over, he started to nag again. “These dishes must be pre – made, and they’re so expensive. How did you choose this place?”
The atmosphere at the table was a bit awkward. I expressionlessly waved to the waiter to order.
I was already used to it.
In the twenty years of our marriage, whatever I chose, he would find fault with it.
From a small tube of toothpaste to cars and houses, in his eyes, what I chose represented lack of taste.
The dishes came, and both my parents – in – law and my own parents said the food tasted good.
Yao Zhengqing finally shut up, and he ate more than me.
After we were full and satisfied, I spoke. “Today’s meal is, on one hand, to celebrate our son’s success in the exam. On the other hand, since everyone is here, I don’t need to repeat this. “
I paused. Seeing that everyone was listening attentively, I announced my decision. “I plan to divorce Lao Yao. No one try to persuade me.”
I had endured being nitpicked for twenty years and had had enough.
1
The private room suddenly fell silent. Everyone looked at each other in dismay. My mother carefully said, “Jiaqing, you must be angry with Lao Yao.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t angry; I had run out of anger long ago.
This was the truth. After being nitpicked for twenty years, if I could still get angry, my breasts would have sent out an alarm long ago.
My mother – in – law forced a smile and patted Lao Yao. “Hurry up and coax Jiaqing. You must have offended her.”
Yao Zhengqing still held himself high and aloof. “At our age, you should be more proper in what you say and do. If you’re not satisfied with something, can’t you talk about it at home? Why bring up divorce when everyone is happy?”
I sat expressionlessly aside, not reacting to his words at all.
The atmosphere became even more awkward. My father – in – law glared at him.
Only then did Yao Zhengqing impatiently say, “Is it really because of what I said this morning about your clothes not being suitable? You’re still angry about that?”
I淡淡地 replied, “Yes.”
Today, when going out for a meal, I dressed up specially.
I put on a newly – bought light purple dress and put on a little makeup. In the mirror today, I looked radiant.
Even our son praised me. “Mom, you look really nice today.”
I smiled, feeling both happy and sad. Usually, being busy with work and family, I always looked dull and never dressed up properly.
Unfortunately, this good mood didn’t last long. When Yao Zhengqing passed by, he just said, “Do you even have a waist? And you’re still wearing a dress.”
His tone was casual, as if teasing, but it made my mood turn from bright to gloomy.
Nearly fifty years old, my metabolism has slowed down a lot.
Yao Zhengqing only eats fresh food for three meals a day. If it’s left over for one more meal, he’ll be picky. I can only try to finish the leftovers to avoid waste.
Compared to when I was young, I’ve indeed become much plumper. My slender waist is long gone.
But even so, would it kill him to close his eyes and praise his wife with a “You look really nice”?
Probably for Yao Zhengqing, it would.
2
“The two houses in the family were purchased with our joint efforts. The one taking care of the child gets the bigger one. As for the cars, we can each drive our own.
“The savings were managed separately before, so we’ll keep it that way. You’ve always earned more than me. I think you can accept this distribution method.
“As for Duoduo, I’ve taken care of him since he was a child, so he’ll naturally follow me.”
I blurted out the divorce settlement plan in one breath. There was an awkward silence around the table.
The four elderly people looked at each other, feeling that my attitude this time was unusual, and none of them dared to speak easily.
Yao Zhengqing’s face finally changed. He should have realized that I wasn’t joking or losing my temper, but was really planning to divorce him.
His lips moved, but he still stubbornly argued with me. “Divorce? What divorce? What about Duoduo? A celebratory family dinner, and after that, the family is gone.”
These words hit my soft spot, and tears welled up.
I knew I was most sorry for our son.
Seeing my loss of control, my mother finally couldn’t help but complain. “What are you not satisfied with? Go home and talk to Lao Yao properly. How can you divorce? Do you think you’re worthy of Duoduo?”
My parents – in – law’s expressions were even uglier. “Jiaqing, for so many years, we’ve never interfered in your small family’s affairs. But if you want to divorce and take Duoduo away, we definitely won’t agree.”
I lowered my head and didn’t speak.
A hand holding a tissue reached out to me. “Mom, wipe your tears first.”
I blankly raised my face. My sixteen – year – old son looked at me quietly. There was disappointment and confusion in his eyes, and his eyes were a little red.
My heart was in turmoil. I opened my mouth, wanting to explain to him the reason for the divorce, but the words died on my lips.
Could he understand?
The disappointment and pain in the marriage were like a fishbone stuck in my throat.
Day by day, year by year, they accumulated, layer by layer, pressing on my heart, piling higher and higher. Eventually, one day, silently, it all completely collapsed.
I still closed my mouth.
But I didn’t want to be judged by a group of relatives here, being forced to change my mind by family affection.
“Duoduo, mom wants to go out for a walk. Can you accompany the elders for dinner?”
My son’s eyes were worried, but he still nodded sensibly.
Even when my mother tried to stop me from getting up, he helped me out. “Mom is in a bad mood, Grandma. Let mom go out and be alone for a while.”
Yao Zhengqing didn’t make any move, just kept a straight face and didn’t say a word.
He seemed certain that with the pressure from the elders and Duoduo’s tie, divorce was just my empty talk.
Unfortunately, he was disappointed.
3
I walked aimlessly.
I was on the pedestrian street in the city center. There were a lot of pedestrians, and most of them had smiles on their faces. Coupled with the sunny weather, my mood improved a lot.
I casually found a convenience store, bought a rice ball, and sat there munching. In fact, I didn’t eat much in the restaurant just now.
Suddenly, I remembered that many years ago, Lao Yao, Duoduo, and I went to Japan. We quarreled at the entrance of a convenience store.
That day, the plane was delayed. By the time we arrived at the hotel, it was already past seven.
Both Duoduo and I were hungry.
Lao Yao excitedly said he would take us to a famous local tavern. We followed him.
But in a strange place, we searched back and forth for over an hour and still couldn’t find it.
At that time, Duoduo was only six years old. He cried from hunger, and I also had a dull pain in my stomach.
I quickly stopped Lao Yao. “Duoduo and I are hungry. There’s a convenience store nearby. I’ll take him to buy something to fill our stomachs first, and then I’ll accompany you to look for it.”
Lao Yao was looking at the map instructions on his phone and didn’t respond to me.
When I came out after buying some food, he lashed out at me angrily. “It’s just 500 meters ahead. Couldn’t you just wait?”
I retorted angrily, “Half an hour ago, you said the same thing.”
He strode forward angrily, not caring whether Duoduo and I could keep up.
This time, the navigation was indeed correct. Five minutes later, we found the restaurant.
But the grievance in my heart and Lao Yao’s anger hadn’t completely dissipated.
In the Japanese restaurant, we ate the delicate food in silence.
The food tasted really good, but I couldn’t swallow it.
I didn’t understand. Was it such a great sin for me and the child to buy something to eat when we were hungry?
Maybe what he was persistent about was the joy of sharing a good restaurant and didn’t want it to be replaced by simple fast – food even a little bit.
And all I wanted was to have something to eat when I was so hungry that my stomach hurt.
From that moment on, I vaguely felt that there was a huge gap between us. I couldn’t cross it, and neither could he.
4
Yao Zhengqing called, asking in a stiff tone, “Where are you? We’ve finished eating and are ready to go home.”
I was standing at the entrance of the cinema, waiting to watch a newly – released action blockbuster.
He snorted coldly on the phone. “You’re going to watch those unnutritious crappy movies again. Lin Jiaqing, after marrying me for so many years, your taste really hasn’t changed at all.”
I heard my father – in – law coughing loudly on the phone. Only then did he realize something was wrong and said awkwardly, “Come back first. Another day, Duoduo and I will accompany you to watch it.”
I smiled faintly and refused. “No need to force it. I enjoy watching it alone.”
I just like watching exciting and fun movies with lots of action, the so – called popular taste.
When I was in primary school, a neighbor had a side – business of lending out martial arts novels.
During every summer and winter vacation, I was immersed in the world of swords and shadows in the books.
When I grew up, my preference didn’t change. Even though there was a stage when I, like other girls, liked reading romance novels, deep down, I still preferred works with grand and bold plots.
Yao Zhengqing was the exact opposite of me. Even if he couldn’t be called a person with a delicate personality, he read Zhang Ailing and Su Qing during his adolescence.
When he was at home for leisure, what was playing on his computer were those refreshing Japanese dramas and some dull European and American art films in my opinion.
I thought this was just a difference in personal hobbies.
But every time he saw my movie – watching record, he would always say in a sarcastic tone, “This kind of unnutritious movie has a very low rating on Douban. How can you stand watching it?”
I don’t deny this fact, but I really can’t stand the slow – paced movies he recommended.
But after being ridiculed many times, I also started to doubt myself. Was my taste really too vulgar?
So, I forced myself to watch “Manchester by the Sea” and “She in the Sun” with him.
Every time, I couldn’t help but touch my phone, wanting to check if there was any work for me.
I would rather work overtime than watch these movies that made me drowsy.
He noticed my restlessness and finally waved his hand magnanimously. “If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch.”
I let out a long sigh of relief. Just as I turned to leave, I heard him muttering in a low voice, “You really can’t appreciate fine things.”
The anger in my heart flared up, but quickly died down.
I helplessly admitted that what he said was the truth.
We grew up in different living and educational environments.
5
Yao Zhengqing’s background was a bit special.
His great – grandfather once had a huge family business. My elderly father – in – law lived a life surrounded by servants when he was a child. There was even a small zoo in the family.
What he ate, used, and learned was all of high quality.
Those celebrities in the Republic of China had contacts with his family.
His family collected many paintings by Zhang Daqian and Qi Baishi.
In such a family environment, my father – in – law naturally knew a little about calligraphy, painting, chess, tea ceremony, and antiques.
Later, due to changes in the world, even though there were still some old things left, the family fortune was almost gone.
Like everyone else, he studied, went to college, and worked, living an ordinary life.
But his life heritage was still there.
Lao Yao grew up influenced by his father. His taste in clothing, cultural cultivation, and the meticulousness of his life indeed exceeded that of ordinary people.
And I was completely different from him.
My family was the most ordinary intellectual family. My parents graduated from college, had decent jobs, and our family had no shortage of food and drink.
Although at that time, it was already a very good background.
But my father grew up in a poor family and had to take care of six younger siblings.
My mother’s family was a bit better off, but in that era, it wasn’t much better either.
And because I was born prematurely, I was weak since childhood.
They raised me with a practical and laissez – faire policy.
Except for paying more attention to my academic performance, everything else was up to my own liking.
I learned guitar, dancing, painting, and harmonica when I was young, but finally gave them all up because I didn’t like them.
So, I became an ordinary person who could only work and earn money and had no hobbies or specialties.
When we were in love, with the加持 of hormones, and a bit of self – disguise and tolerance for love, Yao Zhengqing and I both thought the other was the most suitable half for ourselves.
But after going through marriage and the baptism of time, the diamond – like love that was once unbreakable gradually lost its luster. And the partner who was once beautifully packaged by love had long shed layers of disguise, leaving only the most real, original self.
However, I could accept a fussy and picky Yao Zhengqing, but he couldn’t accept the mediocre and out – of – step me.
The ubiquitous contempt and constant nitpicking became the main theme of this twenty – year marriage.
It made me inferior and sensitive. Even an occasional recognition from Yao Zhengqing would make me extremely happy.
One day, as I looked at my timid reflection in the mirror, I finally came to a clear realization that it was time for this marriage to end.
After watching the movie, I went to eat a Taiwanese hot pot. Yao Zhengqing looked down on it. “This is from the same group as a certain small hot pot. They’re all pre – made. What’s so delicious?”
But I really liked their unique soup base and the unlimited duck blood.
Now I can frankly admit that I’m a complete layman, living a rough and real life.
For the rest of my life, I also want to live happily like this.
But when I got home and saw three generations of the family sitting in a row on the sofa, my heart that was pursuing freedom couldn’t help but tremble.
6
I stood tiredly in the middle of the hall, like a prisoner waiting to be judged, waiting for the jury to speak.
“Jiaqing,” my mother spoke first. “I asked Lao Yao. He’s innocent and hasn’t done anything to对不起 you. You’re almost fifty years old. Don’t be so hot – tempered. If there’s something wrong, talk it out. Don’t go to extremes when you’re angry. It’s not a good example for Duoduo.”
My mother – in – law then said, “Even if Yao Zhengqing has no problems outside, in life, he must have done many things that aren’t good enough, which made Jiaqing so angry that she can’t stand it anymore. Yao Zhengqing, think it over. Later, think about how to apologize to Jiaqing.”
Ah, the two educated old ladies seemed to have discussed it. One played the good cop, and the other played the bad cop.
I rubbed my temples. “Today, I didn’t pay attention to the occasion and made you worry. It’s very late now. You all go back and rest early. I promise you, I’ll talk to Lao Yao properly.”
My mother wanted to say something, but my father pulled her back.
“Okay, let’s leave first and let the three of them have some time alone.”
Soon, the four elderly people left cleanly, and only the three of us were left at home.
At some point, Yao Zhengqing adjusted the living – room lights to a warm color. There was a pot of green tea on the table, and it was fragrant.
I can’t deny that he has a kind of magic that can make the quality of life better.
“Tell me, what exactly are you not satisfied with?”
Yao Zhengqing sat on the sofa, comfortably cross – legged, with a relaxed expression.
He didn’t even mention the word “divorce.” It seemed he still thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill and using divorce to throw a tantrum.
Duoduo frowned and walked to my side.
“Mom, if you’re unhappy, say it out. If it’s Dad’s fault, I’ll help you scold him.”
Yao Zhengqing laughed. “You’re already taking your mom’s side.”
I patted Duoduo. “Thank you for always being able to understand me.”
Yao Zhengqing got excited. “It’s rare that we three have nothing to do tonight. Let’s watch a documentary together.”
Duoduo was about to say “yes” but then looked at me worriedly.
I smiled at him. “It’s okay. Let’s watch.”
I put down the divorce agreement I had taken out of my bag.
There was no need to rush.
7
While the father – son duo was watching the film, I tidied up the guest bedroom and moved in.
Yao Zhengqing didn’t make a fuss with me. I only heard the sound of the door slamming shut and a “Are you done with this?”
The next day was the weekend, and it was also the day Duoduo had an appointment to go out with his friends.
He lingered uneasily. “Mom, maybe I shouldn’t go.”
I put the sun hat on his head neatly. “Duoduo, there are some issues I need to communicate with your father alone. I promise you that no matter what the result is, I’ll tell you immediately.”
He pursed his lips and left, looking a bit dejected.
I didn’t want to lie to him that everything was okay. I could only let him accept the reality little by little.
Yao Zhengqing got up very late. I heard some noises last night. It seemed he didn’t sleep and came out to have a few drinks alone.
His face was a bit swollen. After all, he was nearly fifty.
“What on earth are you making a fuss about?” His fingers pressed against his temple, and his tone was as impatient as ever.
“Divorce.” I took out the divorce agreement and placed it in front of him properly. “See if there’s anything you want to change?”
He slapped the table hard. “Lin Jiaqing, what exactly have I done to let you down? Why are you so determined to divorce?
“Is it really just because of a few words I said casually? Can’t you even take a joke?”
I picked up the agreement that had fallen to the ground and handed it to him again.
I casually asked, “Is that thin coat I bought in South Korea for you?”
Yao Zhengqing didn’t react for a moment and then said, “Yeah. What? Is this coat one of the reasons for your divorce?”
I raised my eyebrows. “You’re right.
“Do you remember what you said when I brought it back?”
He was stunned. He probably didn’t remember at all.
“Before I went to South Korea, you said you needed a thin coat. The ones you saw before were a bit old – fashioned and dull.
“For this reason, after finishing my work, I specifically went to Dongdaemun at night. That’s the most fashionable place to sell clothes in South Korea.
“I went back and forth. It was not until five in the morning that I finished browsing all the stalls and chose this piece of clothing.
“When I came back, I happily introduced it to you. It’s a designer’s style. The most special thing is the orange round buttons, which neutralize the dullness of black and gray. I spent a whole night looking for it, and they all said this one was very popular.
“You put it on for just a few seconds, then took it off and said with a look of disgust, ‘Look at these loose threads and this material. Can’t you spend some money and choose something better?’
“But you didn’t seem to notice the two – thousand – yuan belt I bought for you at the airport duty – free store.
“My joy of giving a gift was completely shattered by you.
“The most annoying thing is that you actually like this coat. For several years, you still often take it out to wear.
“At that time, would it have killed you to say ‘I like it. Thank you, wife’?”
My emotions got out of control again, and my eyes became sore.
I sniffed, and Yao Zhengqing got up to get me a tissue.
“Okay, I admit I was wrong about this. I apologize, all right?”
His brows were still furrowed, as if the apology was merely to appease my unreasonable little emotions.
“No, it’s not just this one thing. You’ve been nitpicking me for more than ten years. By your side, there’s no respect, no praise. I’m constantly on edge, always afraid that you’ll find something else to lecture me about.”
I had had enough of this kind of life.
8
“Do you remember when you started picking on me?”
Yao Zhengqing’s fingers unconsciously tapped on the tissue box as he brazenly retorted, “It’s clearly you who are oversensitive and over – interpret every word I say.”
I glanced at his hand, not wanting to expose him, as he always fidgets when he feels guilty.
I continued on my own. “It should be after you were promoted to director. At that time, I had just given birth to Duoduo. Once, I attended a friend’s gathering with you. For the convenience of breastfeeding, I wore an old checked shirt inside. Just when I was picking up food, the cuff accidentally showed. You laughed at me in front of your friends, saying that my taste was so bad.
“You said to them, ‘Last time, when she was walking around the community with Duoduo, people almost thought she was the nanny.’
“At that time, I could only give a wry smile. After the maternity nurse left, I was alone with the baby during the day, in a flurry of activity, and there was no time to even think about dressing up.”
“That’s because I hoped you would look better. Otherwise, it’s so embarrassing. How can you still remember such an old thing?”
He muttered aside.
I smiled. “But that day, the wife of your friend had also just given birth and came out to play. Her husband said she had gained a lot of weight, and she was a bit sad. You were good at comforting her, saying, ‘Being a bit chubby is good. Now you look rosy – cheeked, and there are no wrinkles. You look younger.’
“So you know that belittling your wife in front of others will make her feel embarrassed. You were so kind to help her out. But what about me? Don’t I have self – esteem, no sense of shame, not feel embarrassed or sad in your heart?”
His fingers stopped tapping, and the tip of his fingernail rubbed against the box, making a harsh and faint sound.
“I was just joking at that time. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. For this… I apologize, although it’s a bit late.”
His eyes were always on the tissue box, and he didn’t look up at me when he apologized.
An apology after more than ten years was still so insincere.
“If an apology could solve everything, what do we need the police for?”
Yao Zhengqing didn’t understand. He looked up, his eyes full of confusion.
I almost forgot. Such an old and worn – out line from a Taiwanese idol drama, how could he understand it?
“Later, after the company sent you to study for an EMBA, you became even more arrogant at home.
“From time to time, you compared me with your EMBA female classmates, saying that they could handle both family and career, had an annual salary of over a million, good looks, great temperament, and a gentle personality. And I was nothing like them, running a small company, not striving for progress, looking so fierce when tutoring Duoduo.
“In your mouth, they were all fairies in the sky, and I was a shrew on the ground.”
His expression immediately became indignant. “I didn’t mean to belittle you. But they really are better than you in some ways.”
“I admit they’re excellent.
“So you admire them and have regrets. You should have waited until now without getting married or having children so that you could find a more satisfactory wife.”
My tone became more and more sharp, wanting to pour out all the pain from years ago.
Yao Zhengqing was so angry that he picked up the tissue box and slapped it hard on the table. “Lin Jiaqing, don’t go too far. I have no improper relationship with them. Don’t talk nonsense.”
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down.
“That year, Duoduo and I went on a summer vacation trip. You said you didn’t have time, so we went by ourselves. When we came back, we missed you and called you to pick us up at the airport.
“You came reluctantly after being invited several times. Along the way, whenever the traffic was a bit congested, you got angry and said that your time was also money, and we insisted on treating you like a private driver.
“But then, when it came to your EMBA parent – child gathering, you said on the phone to someone, ‘It’s raining heavily outside. It’s not convenient for you to take your daughter and take a taxi. I’ll pick you up then.’
“At this time, you didn’t think your time was precious and you weren’t a free driver anymore?”
He got anxious. “She’s a divorced woman who can’t drive. In such a heavy – rain weather, what’s wrong with me giving her a ride?”
I replied coldly, “Nothing. But that day, I suddenly realized that in your eyes, anyone is more important than your wife.
“So, from that day on, I was completely disappointed in this marriage.”
9
Suddenly, there was a rumble outside the window, and it started to rain.
It was sunny just now. I don’t know how long the dark clouds had been gathering before this torrential rain came.
Yao Zhengqing was silent for a while, then cleared his throat. “All right, I was wrong before. We’ve been husband and wife for so many years. Even for Duoduo’s sake, don’t hold it against me. I’ll be more careful in the future, okay?”
This time, he finally looked at me directly. His eyes were complicated, and I couldn’t tell whether there was more regret or more anger.
I shook my head.
“Exactly for Duoduo’s sake, I’ve waited until today. He’s been admitted to an international high school. As long as he’s not too bad, he can go to college. From now on, he’ll rely on himself.
“Whether he wants to come back after graduation or continue studying, it’s up to him.
“He’s going to start his own independent life.
“And I think I can start a new stage too.”
Yao Zhengqing finally couldn’t sit still. “We’ve been husband and wife for almost twenty years. You want to divorce just like that?”
I pushed the divorce agreement on the table towards him. “Twenty years of marriage, and if we’re not happy, should we still keep going?”
He angrily pushed the agreement back. “What’s not happy? I’m quite happy.”
I smiled faintly. “Of course you’re happy. Our family life is like the two ends of a seesaw. But you’re up there, enjoying yourself, while I’m down here, suffering.
“Not only have I become a haggard woman, but I’m also being PUAed by you every day, as if I, Lin Jiaqing, am so useless.
“But recently, I’ve come to my senses. Over the years, I’ve not missed a single thing in terms of making money to support the family, taking care of the elderly, and raising Duoduo. I’ve even taken on most of the responsibilities that should have been yours. Why should I be picked on and disliked by you all the time?
“Now I’m not yet fifty. I still have decades of good life ahead. I don’t want to be tied to you and suffer anymore.
“I’m determined to divorce.”
Yao Zhengqing opened his mouth to refute me but said nothing. He just slumped back and sank deeply into the sofa.
The rain didn’t stop. The sky was dark, and the room wasn’t lit.
I walked to the window, opened it, and the raindrops outside immediately floated in, sprinkling on my face, making me feel warm and sober.
Behind me, the door slammed shut with a loud noise, and he went out.
The room fell into silence. I picked up a cup of tea and waited for the subsequent “storm.”
10
Yao Zhengqing came back after dinner time. He came home with Duoduo.
I smiled and asked my son, “Did you have a good time with your classmates today?”
He quickly walked up to me, lowered his head, and stared into my eyes, answering irrelevantly, “Mom, are you really going to divorce Dad?”
I moved closer to him and hugged this child who was a head taller than me.
“Yes, this is my decision.”
Tears silently streamed down his face. He wiped them away with his hand, but more tears welled up.
He gritted his teeth, not crying out, just lowering his head, his shoulders trembling slightly.
My heart felt like it was being roasted by fire. This was the most difficult part of the divorce.
I pulled him to sit down. “Duoduo, when we gave you this nickname, we hoped you would have a lot of happiness and good fortune.
“I’m sorry that I’m making you sad now.
“But mom really wants to live a different way.
“However, I promise that I’ll always be the mom who loves you the most. As long as you need me, I’ll be by your side anytime.
“This will never change.”
Yao Zhengqing reached out and put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Duoduo, stop crying.”
His voice was a bit hoarse. “You still have me as your dad, and your grandparents.”
I frowned. “Duoduo, even if your dad and I divorce, it doesn’t mean that mom, grandpa, and grandma are no longer your relatives.”
Duoduo still kept his head down. It was obvious that he couldn’t accept this thing for a while.
I didn’t force him.
11
I woke up at six in the morning, feeling heavy – hearted and unable to sleep well.
When I went to the kitchen, passing by the living room, Yao Zhengqing called out to me.
I hadn’t seen him for a night, and he looked much more haggard. His eye bags were even bigger.
“I didn’t sleep all night last night. I thought for a long time.
“I also can’t figure out why I treated you like that before. Maybe I got too complacent because of my smooth promotions and salary increases.”
I smiled. “It’s also because I’m not up to it. After struggling for so many years, I still only have a small company that can earn a few hundred thousand yuan a year.”
He quickly waved his hand. “I really don’t mean that today.
“Yesterday, on the way back after picking up Duoduo, he said that since he was a child, it was you who taught him lessons, accompanied him to interest classes, took him to the hospital when he was sick, and participated in school activities.
“Last night, I thought about it, and it’s not just that. When the four elderly people in the family were sick or had something, they also came to you. Even the most troublesome house decoration was all taken care of by you.
“Because your work is flexible, all these burdens fell on you.
“Lin Jiaqing, you’ve worked hard in these twenty years.”
I wasn’t sure whether Yao Zhengqing, after a night, suddenly became so affectionate to play the emotional card to persuade me not to divorce, or to try to influence me to get more favorable divorce conditions.
But there was finally some sincere apology in these words.
My eyes became hot, and I quietly wiped away my tears with my hand.
“I think if it weren’t for these things holding you back, your achievements should be far more than this.”
Yao Zhengqing made a self-deprecating remark, “I’ve even forgotten that you got your master’s degree long ago. Your education is no worse than mine.
“Don’t laugh at me. A few years ago, my friends and I wanted to start a side – business and open a company. But when we learned about it, we found that there were troubles in all aspects such as taxes, industry and commerce, employees, costs, and customers, so we gave up.
“You’ve been able to support it on your own for so many years. You’re really capable.
“If it were me, dealing with both the company and family affairs, I might not do as well as you.”
He smiled bitterly. “Now that I think about it carefully, I have no right to look down on you. I should even thank you for taking on the family responsibilities.
“Lin Jiaqing, this family can’t do without you.
“Give me another chance.”
He carefully chose his words, and the corner of his eye was still peeking at my expression.
It was the first time I saw him look so nervous and cautious. My heart was filled with mixed feelings.
But some things couldn’t be started over. Letting go and leaving was the most appropriate ending.
Since his attitude had softened, I didn’t want to make the relationship worse. Otherwise, the one who would be most hurt was Duoduo.
I said politely, “Lao Yao, I’ve thought about this for several years. Let’s part amicably…”
Before I could finish speaking, Duoduo’s bedroom door opened.
We looked at each other and tacitly ended this conversation.
“Mom, I’m hungry.” My son came out, rubbing his eyes.
“Let’s go downstairs to eat rice noodles. There’s a new Guilin rice noodle restaurant nearby.” I suggested enthusiastically.
My son naturally agreed with me. Yao Zhengqing was obviously stunned.
He had always disliked heavy – flavored noodles. I had always followed his preference, and such food rarely appeared at home.
“They’re really delicious. I especially love pickled bamboo shoots. Son, you should try them later. I’m sure you’ll want to eat more after the first bite. When I used to work overtime, I almost had a bowl of rice noodles every night. My colleagues even called me the ‘Rice Noodle Queen.'”
My son and I talked non – stop about my experiences with rice noodles. Yao Zhengqing followed behind, silent.
The restaurant was small but new and clean.
I ordered pickled – bamboo – shoot rice noodles for myself. Afraid that they couldn’t get used to the taste of pickled bamboo shoots all at once, I only ordered ordinary beef noodles for them.
My son picked up a bite and his eyes lit up. Then he started eating大口. He even took a few pieces of my pickled bamboo shoots.
Yao Zhengqing reluctantly ate two or three bites and then put down his chopsticks.
I didn’t want to force him. “Lao Yao, if you don’t like it, don’t force yourself. The porridge shop next door is open. You can go have some porridge.”
He lowered his head, not speaking, nor getting up.
I ignored him. After my son and I were full and satisfied, we went home together.
When we got home, we found that my father – in – law and mother – in – law were waiting for us at the door.
12
My mother – in – law greeted me politely. “Jiaqing, I’m sorry to come unannounced so early. Last night, an old friend from Xinjiang sent us half a sheep. I was afraid it would go bad if kept for too long, so I rushed to bring it to you.”
Naturally, I had no objections and quickly invited them in.
Yao Zhengqing seemed distracted. After entering the house, he sat aside and stared blankly.
I was in a hurry to deal with the mutton, so I asked my son to help entertain the elders.
They only stayed for a short while and then left. Before leaving, my mother – in – law said, “Seeing that you all seem fine makes me feel at ease.”
After thinking for a moment, I decided to tell the truth. “Mom, I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you.”
My mother – in – law immediately stopped talking, looked at me deeply, sighed, and then left.
Yao Zhengqing saw them off and was gone for a long time.
When he got home, he shut himself in his room for a long time.
When the lights came on, he said, “If you really insist on getting a divorce, I agree. The family savings don’t need to be divided between you and me. We’ll split them evenly. You can have the larger house, and I’ll keep the smaller one. I’ll pay off the remaining mortgage.
“I’ll also bear the tuition fees for Duoduo’s high – school and college education.”
I looked at him in surprise. Had his conscience finally awakened?
He forced a bitter smile. “I just realized how wrong I’ve been all these years. This is the only compensation I can offer. And… I’m really sorry…”
His voice was choked with sobs, and he turned his head away, not looking at me.
My heart also felt sour, and for a moment, I didn’t know what to say.
After a long time, he continued, “As for Duoduo, it depends on who he wants to be with. But if he chooses to be with you, I need to do some work on the elders.”
I blurted out immediately, “Don’t bother. Duoduo will be with you.”
13
Yao Zhengqing was very surprised that I was willing to give up Duoduo’s custody.
“Actually, it doesn’t matter who Duoduo is with. He lives in school most of the time and can only be with his family on weekends and holidays. I think your parents are reasonable people. They won’t stop me from seeing Duoduo.
“Over the years, I’ve gotten along well with your parents. If giving you custody can make them feel better, I’m willing to do it.”
Yao Zhengqing’s eyes were red. He said thank you with a nasal voice, “Jiaqing, you don’t need to pay alimony. You can come to see Duoduo anytime. We can spend holidays and vacations with Duoduo together. What do you think?”
I nodded generously. “Of course. Even if we’re not a couple, we can still be friends. For Duoduo’s sake, we should get together often.”
Unexpectedly, when we told Duoduo about this idea, he thought for a while and proposed a compromise. “Dad, you can have my custody, but I want to live with Mom. You’re busy with work, and there are a lot of things like course selection and college entrance at the international school. You can’t take care of everything.
“But with you having custody, you and grandparents can come to Mom’s place to see me anytime, or I can go to see you. This way, they won’t have to worry about not seeing me.”
I thought Yao Zhengqing would refuse, but to my surprise, he readily agreed. “Okay, let’s do as you say, son. I’ll give your mom ten thousand yuan a month for living expenses. I’ll be more at ease with her taking care of you.”
To be honest, this result was much better than I expected.
Although, from the beginning, I had decided to give the custody to Yao Zhengqing in the end.
But I couldn’t show it too obviously.
14
This was the best plan I could come up with after thinking for several years.
I had the idea of getting a divorce a few years ago, but the timing wasn’t right.
At that time, the epidemic hit, and the business of my small company was extremely unstable. I didn’t have the confidence to afford all of Duoduo’s tuition fees from then until college. He had always been in an international school, and there was no way to change this path.
I didn’t count on alimony either. The domestic standard was very low and couldn’t cover the cost of the international school at all. Even though the law stipulated that Yao Zhengqing should bear half, this needed to be negotiated between the two parties, and there was a lot of room for change.
It would be more financially secure for Duoduo to be with Yao Zhengqing.
But at that time, Yao Zhengqing and Duoduo hadn’t established a strong father – son relationship.
Although he loved Duoduo, he was an impatient person. Duoduo was too young at that time and couldn’t keep up with his father’s rhythm most of the time, nor could he understand his hobbies. So in the end, most of the time, it was me who accompanied Duoduo while Yao Zhengqing did what he wanted.
However, over the years, Duoduo had grown into a teenager, and I deliberately let him communicate more with his father. Father and son are connected by heart, and the two gradually developed many common hobbies. They could often spend a whole day chatting and playing together, making Yao Zhengqing more and more inseparable from his son.
Whenever he had time, he would accompany his son. Even when he was on a business trip, he always thought about his son.
He had planned everything for his son, from the study route to the choice of university in the future, as well as the international high – school exams. He spent time and energy researching and accompanying him for the exams.
When Yao Zhengqing’s investment in his son, whether in terms of money or time, had accumulated enough, I felt that the time was right.
People say that a man is in his prime at forty. A man like Yao Zhengqing, who has good conditions in all aspects, is still very popular even when he’s nearly fifty. I once saw that divorced female classmate from the EMBA secretly showing her affection to Lao Yao on WeChat.
What I could do was to make him regard Duoduo as the most important part of his life. Enough sunk costs and emotional investment would make it difficult for him to abandon his son easily. In this way, even if he had a new direction after divorce, he would have to weigh whether he could support both his son and a new family.
I couldn’t help it. I always hoped that my son could enjoy the unique love of his parents.
As for myself, I had never thought about getting married again. I just wanted to live freely and do whatever I wanted in the second half of my life.
Everything I had would be left to my son. I selfishly hoped that Yao Zhengqing would do the same.
Now the result had exceeded my expectations.
I was very satisfied.
15
A month later, Yao Zhengqing and I got divorced.
He rented out the house that was left to him and rented an apartment in our community, which was a ten – minute walk from our current home.
Normally, we don’t disturb each other. Only when Duoduo comes back, he will invite us to have a meal together or find an activity to spend the weekend.
Now he will ask me like a gentleman where I want to go and what I want to eat. When going out for a meal, he will arrange the destination in advance instead of making impromptu decisions and making us wait.
We discuss Duoduo’s studies and life in the three – person WeChat group. Occasionally, when Yao Zhengqing’s parents go to his place, Duoduo will go to visit his grandparents.
During the summer and winter vacations, if we have time, the three of us will travel together. Yao Zhengqing and his son will share a room, and I can enjoy a room to myself comfortably.
If we don’t have time, we will take Duoduo out separately. During the Spring Festival and other festivals, the son will go back and forth between the two sides.
As time passed, Duoduo got used to it. He even said, “I think this is pretty good. I don’t have to watch you two arguing, and Mom, you seem much happier.”
Of course, now that I don’t have the financial pressure of raising a child, I can freely pursue my career and have plenty of time to travel and get together with friends. How could I not be happy?
Maybe Yao Zhengqing’s life will change in the future, but if I work hard enough, by then, I should also be able to support my son and myself.
END
